Write-a-Letter Wednesday, the Thursday Edition (Dear Brothers)

**My 21-year-old brother, Tim, is serving in the AirForce--currently stationed in Iraq. My other brother, Andrew, is eleven-years-old, and taking the Middle School scene by storm... I would have written to them yesterday, but my evening filled unexpectedly. So, here is the Thursday edition of Write-a-Letter Wednesday**

Dear Brothers,

Maybe you don't care at all what your big sister has to say about you. But I brag about you all the time. I talk about you at work; I share stories with my friends; and--not so secretly--I'm a little hopeful my first baby is a boy, and that he's just like the brothers I love so much.

Tim: you were everything a younger sibling should have been. You made fun of my clothes and hair. You hit me when mom wasn't looking. And do you remember that time I tried to show you my new dress pants and you peed on them?... Trust me. It happened.

But we had some moments where we were a good team, too. (And I don't just mean the times we were at Indiana Beach.) I remember building with K'nex and Legos long after we were supposed to be asleep. There were road trips where we would get slap-happy, and Mom would threaten our lives if we didn't stop laughing. Of course, that just made it even funnier. And I hope you know--if you're planning anymore flights over the neighbor's fence--you still can count on me to throw my weight on the other side of the teeter-totter when you say, "Go."

Honestly, I never would have fancied you a military man, when we were building bike ramps in the alley and spending our dimes at VP. But I am very, very proud of you.

Drew: You won't understand how I feel about you until you have children of your own someday. That's what you were to me: my baby. You were a living doll for me to dress and feed and bathe, and I LOVED filling your mind with all the facts it could handle. You tried to be an annoying little brother. (The first time Luke ever visited our house, you told him, "My sister is on a crush with you!" and then ran away giggling.) But I was rarely angry with you. Instead, you fascinated me with how clever you were.

You must have been two years old when Dad and I heard you humming several songs from Zelda--perfectly on key. And, around the age of five, you opened my cardoor and said, "After you m'lady." Do you remember when we used to have "cuddle parties" in the playroom? I bribed you and Tabby with pizza and a movie, but my favorite part was curling up on the daybed in a little human pile....

Both of you are funny, and you know it. You're quirky, but it suits you well. And both of you have sweet and sensitive sides, too. My prayer is that you will take your attractive personalities and use them to show the world what it means to be real, upstanding men. But, to do that, you must be willing to do what's "hard" and not just what feels good. That means putting away boyish things like toys and games, in favor of getting jobs and protecting your families some day. It means learning there are more important things in life than what you "want" or even what you "need." And it means using your minds to ask tough questions instead of accepting everything the world tells you is true.

At some point, you'll need to wonder, "Why am I here?" and "What am I supposed to do now?" But I want you to know I'm here to talk about those things, if you want... Or, if you just want to build with Legos or play a little Zelda, I'm here for that, too.

I can't wait to see what else God has in store for both of you, and I'm looking forward to being a part of it.

I love you so, so much!

~Big Sis~

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Dear Sisters

*Preface: My little sister, Tabby, turned 15-years-old yesterday. And my sister-in-law, Megan, and I have been talking a lot about life and love, as she has been dating her boyfriend for eons now. I guess she figures if anyone can commiserate it's the one who dated her brother for over four years!...No, wait. I don't mean to insinuate that I dated MY brother. I dated Megan's brother for over four years. And then we got married--Megan's brother and I. That's how we became sisters-in-law. Megan and I.
My point is, I'm stationed way up here in Fort Wayne, while both of my sisters are in Kokomo, and I kind of miss those little buggers. So, here is a letter full of sisterly love, for the lovely lady siblings of mine.

Dear Tabs and Megz,
For whatever reason, I'm really craving some girl time right now. I had a daydream yesterday involving me, the two of you, and Panera Bread for some soup. That sounds like a lot of fun to me, and I think the reason for that is two-fold:

1. I'm finally starting to eat stuff other than crackers, and I feel like celebrating with an overpriced broccoli and cheese breadbowl.
2. It finally has occurred to me that I don't need to find a homeless kid or register with Big Brothers, Big Sister to mentor a young adult. I happen to be a sister already.

I was trying to explain to one of my prayer partners exactly WHY I've felt down and depressed lately, and he suggested I needed more rest. He said, "I've had four or five people call me this week asking for counsel or advice, and sometimes we just need to turn off the phone to take care of ourselves!" But, that's when I realized I have the exact opposite problem: I hardly invest in people at all. And, unfortunately, that includes my own family members.

Well, the boys will get their turn next week, when I write to them. But I'm taking this chance to speak to my sisters--as the not-much-older, not-much-wiser, but still interested (and opinionated) older one.

Tabby: I'm soooooo thrilled with the kind of person you've become. Mom says you're really busy with soccer, honors classes, piano, etc. But I'm excited because I know you can handle it, and you've arrived at that point where your trials just make you stronger instead of breaking you down. (That's what this blog is all about, and you are practicing it already!) Most girls your age annoy me because they are totally self-centered, emotional, and generally clueless about life. Plus, even if they know they are self-centered, emotional, and clueless, they don't care--as long as their hair looks good.

Thank you for not being that way. You're funny, well-rounded, mature, and I don't worry about the things you "get in to," because you appreciate clean entertainment. AND, I'm proud of the way you seek God's will for your life. It's the Heavenly perspective that will keep you from falling into the shallow problems your friends may.

The only thing about which you should be concerned is finding a man who can handle your big, intimidating personality. It may be hard to locate that mate who can challenge you and lead you, when you're so strong on your own. And, since you've experienced the love of Christ, your standards are high already.

But, I'm so excited to help however I can as your love life becomes more serious. And I want to have talks about colleges, careers, the stupid things your friends do, and a whole lot of other stuff, too...

Megan: I am SO glad we get along. It's easy to take that kind of thing for granted--mostly because you're the kind of person who everybody likes. But, take my word for it (as somebody who has been known to rub people the wrong way): not all in-laws like each other!

The fact that you have been keeping me up to date and trusting me with the details of your life means a ton. And, though you're probably inflating my ego in dangerous ways, I want to thank you for letting me share what I've learned about wifehood, finances, and the spiritual tests which come with both. If I can tell my stories and make things a little easier for someone else, it almost makes me glad for my problems. Almost.

You're very sweet, Megz. You're driven and passionate, and you have a logical, practical head on your shoulders. As we've discussed, the biggest problem for logical, practical people like us is taking those leaps of faith. And I'm proud of you for beginning to face your fears in the name of trusting God. I CANNOT WAIT to see the ways you're blessed because of it. (Okay, and I'm also looking forward to whining with you when things get frustrating. ha! As you know, life won't be peaches and cream all the time, and.....misery loves company!)

Sometimes I really, really wish I lived a little closer, so I could spend more time with both of you! (By the way, there is a Panera in Kokomo, right? This could be turning into a full-blown craving.) Truthfully, I've been missing you guys...

Both of you are special individuals, who aren't afraid to be different as long as you're walking in the truth. And that's a beautiful thing. I want you to know I'm here to help however I can. And my house always is open, although you would need a ride, Tabs, and both of you should be prepared to use a paintbrush if you came in the next couple weeks. I would love the chance to take a little credit for the great women you have become, so please ask me questions! ;)

And, know that I love you both.

~Mandy

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Dear Readers #2

Hello, Readers.

I had big plans to write a letter to my little siblings, imparting sisterly wisdom for today's Wednesday tradition. But looking at this computer screen is making me want to throw up.

Later this week, I wanted to talk about dating and engagements, and how two people can "know" they're ready for marriage.... But, the success of this plan will depend on my health as well.

Good news: I'm supposed to be at a meeting tonight, which I may legitimately be able to skip due to the circumstance! NOTE: this meeting would be with CEO, Mr. CEO, and the focus group, all mentioned here.

But, the nasty headache and queasiness also causes me to neglect my blog. (And neither will they allow me to watch TV, read, or generally do anything apart from curling up in the fetal position and whining.) It's official: I would go to the stupid meeting if it meant feeling better.

Anyway, I wanted to offer an explanation, as well as a, "Hey, I'll be back. Don't quit on me. I love you! I still have things to rant about or ponder with you!" Ugh. But the more I add to this message, the more the screen spins....

~Amanda~

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Dear Best Friend

(I haven't blogged for several days, and I just don't have the soundness of mind to search cyberspace for something thought-provoking today. Instead, here's a letter demonstrating the kind of mood I'm in, as well as my remarkable capacity for servanthood, of course.)

Dear Michelle,

I just called you and left a voicemail, but you must be at work. I ask you, how am I supposed to book a flight to see you in a month if I can't ask the questions on my mind? And that's not one of the questions I was going to ask.

But, really, you should feel loved because flying to Texas, by myself, is not something I would do for just anybody. It's kind of like driving four hours as a surprise, on a whim, after a mere 30 minutes of packing. Whiiiiiiiiich means this is the second time you've inspired this home-body to do something relatively crazy! You're welcome.

Oh, and perhaps you've noticed I haven't blogged anything for days, either? Yeah, I haven't had the time or the energy between taping/painting and being driven into a deep depression at the site of my home. It seriously has crossed that special line between clutter and filth, and it's all I can do not to break down and hire a professional to finish the flooring AND a maid to clean afterward. There's old mail, paint-filled rags, cardboard and plastic jugs which haven't made it to the recycling bin, tools everywhere, and not a single piece of furniture in the correct spot.

Yet, here I am, taking the time to write my best friend. Yes, indeed, feel special. And don't get the idea that I'm simply hiding here in computer land to escape that drowning sensation. I've only been online for two and a half hours....

Okay, okay, I'll stop the guilt trip. (Trip! Get it?!)
I mean, this is going to be a fun adventure south of the Mason-Dixon--regardless of any nervousness I feel. And everybody should be a little crazy before they have kids, right? (This is not the time to point out that taking a plane trip is not, technically, the definition of crazy.) But I want you to know I'm looking forward to it, and that--should you choose to move to Texas--I would prepare myself to take this journey many more times in the future. Just for you.

Don't move to Texas.

Call me soon so we can proceed with this unusual conversation. I think I've taken the dialog as far as it will go, acting as both parties. And that's not good if I hope to continue my avoidance behavior. I'd appreciate if you dial and hit "send" just before I take the lid off the paint can. Please? It's the least you could do since....you know. :)

With anticipation for an actual chat,
~ME~

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Dear God

Dear God,

I tried to write to You yesterday, but I got interrupted. And, since I have the Wednesday letter on my mind, and since I have things to say to You, and since I've delayed our conversation long enough, here I am.

My mood has been all over the place, and--as I anticipated--the transition in which pregnancy has thrown me is affecting my habits. For some reason, when something big happens in my life, my alone time with You gets knocked out of whack first. In this case, I'm spending a lot of time sleeping. And, during the few hours I'm awake, I feel an overwhelming need to work on house projects and run errands, which leaves little time to be still. I'm sorry.

Thankfully, because of the life you're knitting inside me, I haven't reverted into the usual pattern of depression that follows a streak of selfishness. My soul can't help praising you every time I think about the miracle you're performing right now, and the baby makes You hard to ignore. Even when I'm trotting to the bathroom and replacing my beloved salty foods with veggies, I'm awed and excited by the fact that you know this child already. You've chosen me to be its mother. This event helps me see Your presence in my life.

But, I'm not happy with the very little time I've set apart for You. It's not enough to make a quick request for safety in the car or to say "Thank You" as I'm drifting to sleep at night. Even my daily Bible reading is more habitual than spiritual, and I need much more of You than that. I need you so badly I don't even understand it myself.

Today, I saw an article in a Christian periodical that was called "Is God a Dictator?" and I couldn't even read it. Maybe it was You who whispered in my ear:
What difference does it make? Dictator, Permissive Parent, or President, it doesn't matter. Those who wonder these things are missing the point."

Asking whether You're a dictator is like convincing the world that hostile aliens are coming to kill us all and writing articles called, "Do you think they will have blonde hair?" It doesn't matter!Lord, Your impact on this world is much, much bigger than Your leadership style. If You are there, in your all-powerful, unimaginable, perfectly-loving glory, You can rule however You want.

If I really understood your character, I would shake. If I could wrap my mind around your very existence--if I could recognize that You are more significant and life-altering than a host of planet-destroying aliens--I would not struggle to make time for You. I would fall on my knees and beg You to show me just one more glimpse of Your face. I would, at the very least, stop painting walls for a few minutes a day to tell You there is no meaning to my life unless You're in it.

Dad, thank you for waiting patiently for me to call when I'm suffering from self-absorbtion. Thank You for showing up and blowing me away every time I look for You. You're a big deal; YOU are the point. Please help me pass this test and walk closely with You, even though life has been turned upside down. Show me another glimpse of Your face, and I will worship You forever.

In the Holy name of Jesus I ask,
Amen

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Editor of IndyStar

(This article appeared on IndyStar.com yesterday. I wrote to the editor, hoping to get published, but knowing I already had my Wednesday letter finished either way!)

Dear Editor,

Recently, I read the article "Challenges Clear for School 61 Kindergarteners," which was posted to indystar.com on Aug. 24th. I must say, I was surprised by the underling suggestion that parents are responsible for their children's underpreparation.

Haven't the reporters at Indy Star heard that teachers are to blame for the downfall of the American Education system? To point fingers at parents--especially the unfortunate, single mothers and low-income families--for the delays of their children is like saying parental duty goes beyond feeding and clothing their offspring.

In today's tough economy, how do we expect overworked and underpaid parents to know a teacher's name and attend important meetings, much less begin instructing their kids at home before Kindergarten? Don't you know parents pay tax dollars to have someone else socialize their children?

The article quoted early childhood professor Mary Benson McMullen, but failed to recognize her statement for the enlightenment is was: "Children don't need to be ready for [teachers]. [Rather, teachers] need to be ready for each and every child who walks through the door." If those teachers can't reverse a few bad habits (like being unable to speak) by the end of the school year, then why are we paying them the big bucks?

Clearly, what we need is a more centralized government--to throw money and policies at our education system. Also, we could do with more bonuses and other incentives to motivate those lazy teachers trying to amass a fortune in their careers without having to work. Finally, we should tell the administrators complaining about the unready students to lighten up and do their job! This situation is bound to happen during a child's first year, when people get crazy ideas like "parents should be involved in education."

Insincerely,
An Indiana Teacher

P.S. Perhaps our school district should work toward after-school programming that allows teachers to take their students home, feed them dinner, and put them to bed. Some kids in my class still struggle with a spoon and fork, toileting, and other self-help operations, and--again--I know parents are busy. I'm just looking for ways to do my job better.

Write -a-Letter Wednesday, Dear Luke

Dear Luke,

You have been the epitome of selflessness this week.

I've been exhausted, and--even now--it's all I can do to write the "Wednesday Letter" and drag myself to bed. But, for this reason, the laundry was left to you, the dishes fell to you, and I just didn't have the energy to grocery shop, either. I know you put AT LEAST 8 hours of work in the living room yesterday, when I was at the daycare, and, I almost forgot, you cleaned the cat pan and mowed the yard at some point, too. Thank you for all of that.

But, more importantly, thank you for the attitude you've had the entire time. You have modeled cheerful giving, despite pain in your neck from painting the ceiling, dust in your nostrils from sanding the walls, and the noise in your ear from my end-of-the-day grumbling. Even as busy as you are--and as whiny as I've been--you keep smiling, letting me vent, and showering me with hugs and kisses.

I'm not sure where you're getting your energy, but it hasn't been from my encouragement. And that's the point of today's letter. I'm sorry I haven't been any help, and I've even been a hindrance at times. I want you to know I've noticed your hard work, and I appreciate it more than my exhausted mind can express.

Thank you for being more than a teammate the last few days. "Team" implies cooperation, and I've already admitted there has been little of that on my part! Instead, thanks for being someone on whom I can rely completely--someone who takes over when I can't find the strength. Thank you for being a servant.

I love you, Mr. McKinney.
~ME~

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

Please, if you like what you see, "follow" my blog. It helps to know who, exactly, I'm talking to when I'm on a tangent about politics or bragging about my students or confessing a royal failure...

AND, once you make our relationships official, I just want lots and lots of feedback. It's hard to write something new and relevant several times a week. But you could make it easier by sharing some of the stuff you're discovering on this crazy ride called life. Send me an article, tell me when you disagree with me, or let's explore problematic Bible verses together. (Oh, that reminds me: did you know one of the midwives in Egypt during the time of Moses was named "Push?" That's not problematic. Just funny.)

Anyway, you may consider this somewhat of a cop-out post. It seems like a cheap advertisement, as opposed to a sweet, sentimental love-note for my as-yet-unconceived babies, or an expression of sincere thanks to past mentors. But, as I mentioned, I'm starting to hit a wall in the way of a good topic... And I'd love to hear from you about what a none-cop-out letter would be.

Make me think this week, people! What's bugging you? How is your personal quest for selflessness going? Have you seen examples of true, sacrificial love? If you give me some fodder, I would be happy to write next week's letter directly to you.

With gratitude for your readership (and thanks in advance for hitting the "follow" button at the top of the page),
~Amanda~

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Former Teachers

***The idea is to write an open letter every Wednesday to someone who has impacted my week.***

Dear Former Teachers,

Thank you.
No one could ask for better examples of knowledgeable, dedicated, and servant-hearted instructors than the ones I've had in my school career.

If I have been successful in academia (and I have), it's because you made achievement fun, and I never had to worry that my accomplishments would go unnoticed. I loved when my elementary teacher (Mom) would tell Dad everything I'd mastered in History, Grammer, and Math--all while I was in earshot. I loved the stickers and green "minus zeros" used by Mrs. Hite and Mrs. Nierste in middle school. And I've kept the note written by Miss Harsh, my highschool English teacher, in which she said some of the most encouraging things about my writing I've ever heard. (You're still the "ink in my pen," Miss Harsh. hehe!)

I'm remembering Mr. Phillips and Mr. Firebaugh and Professor Ford and Chip Macgregor and the whole host of others who've invested time and energy in my development, and all of you are on my mind because I'm a teacher now. And I'd love to know someday that my efforts have made a difference.

Sometimes it's a thankless job encouraging others to learn. But I want you to know I've fallen in love with knowledge because all of you demonstrated that same love in the classroom. You would deliver your lessons excited about sharing ideas and turning on lightbulbs in the minds of your students, and I caught that bug! Thank you for your contagious enthusiasm. Thank you for your positivity and your encouragement.

Currently, I'm trying to figure out the best time for getting my Master's degree, because I know I'd love teaching college classes eventually. If I could teach Special Education, I'd be in Heaven. I just need to work up motivation for paying more money and securing the diploma. But I'm excited about the possibility of teaching long-term because you, former teachers, have made it look great. Not easy. But great.

And I'm confident I'll succeed when I finally haul my butt to grad school because you made me feel smart, responsible, and capable all my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
~Amanda (Branyan) McKinney

Write-a-Letter Wednesday, My Future Children

~~~I'm hoping to make this a regular thing: write a letter every Wednesday to a family member, friend, God, or anyone else who has impacted me that week. ~~~



Dear Future Children,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. When will you come? What will you look like? Do we have enough money saved? And have your daddy and I learned enough about love to be gentle, patient, kind parents in the near future?


I worry, little ones, about whether I've killed enough of myself to be a godly mother. Or, will the pressures and stress of everyday life warp the progress I've made? I see so many examples of out-of-control children fighting with their stressed-out, end-of-their-rope parents, and I don't want to be the angry mom at Walmart. Plus, I work with kids who have disorders and whose parents are overworked and underprepared to deal with it, and I'm sure they have asked themselves whether they made a mistake have children when they did. I don't blame them. Some of my students are difficult for me to love, even with the Holy Spirit helping me.

And I have a confession: I'm always glad to go home to a quiet house at the end of the day. I love my naps and reading time. I enjoy writing on my blog. I like that the floors and windows stay clean for awhile after I wash them, instead of being covered with toys or fingerprints within a few minutes. Am I still too selfish to have my habits changed so drastically once you come into my life?

But I know God has big plans for you and me. I'm so excited about teaching you--science and math and language. I want to answer all of your questions! I'm ready to kiss you and smile with you and tell people "thank you" when they compliment your curly, strawberry-blond hair. (It seems your geneology makes that inevitable. You're in for some big feet, too. Sorry.) And I will be so priviledge to help you navigate the stumbling blocks on this earth, ultimately to arrive at the Truth in life. Yes, I know there are plenty of beautiful moments ahead.
---

Little ones, some of you may join our family in unexpected ways--as God has been planting ideas about fostering and adopting in my head. I know He has equipped me to handle many chaotic, unconventional scenarios, and I've promised Him to use my emotional and psychological resources if he will provide the physical means to care for our group. And, since He never lets us down when me make a bargain like that, I can't wait to see who He brings into our lives.

Also, I'm so happy that God has given you a wonderful father, who loves me and will love you unconditionally forever and ever. You can trust him with everything, and when you climb on his lap, you will better understand the peace and comfort of your Heavenly Father's arms, too. What else could we ask for in a family?

But my prayer is that I'll find a way to let go of the "me" I am today, in order to be completely sold-out for you and Daddy--without whining about the way things "used to be." I'll never really mean it if I try to say that life was "better" before you came. Sometimes my mouth gets loose and does damage before my heart gets it under control again.

And my prayer for you is that you'll understand just how much thought and preparation has gone into your arrival, and how excited I am for you already. With all this thinking, lesson-learning, and hopeful expecting, I know deep down I'm just about ready, and I won't miss the naps and the clean windows too much. Plus, since love is evident in the things we do--and it isn't determined by insignificant things like having not met yet--I can say for sure that I love you already.

Waiting to hold you,
Your Mommy