The Meeting

In staying true to the theme of this blog, I'm going to share a story of something which is trying to kill me. There is no spiritual application. No take-away value. Just a tale of misery encountered on the road to service-offering and tongue-biting, which I either can share with the world or allow to eat me from the inside.

I give you the story of The Meeting.

For over a year now, I have been doing odd writing jobs for the CEO of a certain company in Fort Wayne. She is a nice, Christian woman who is very good at her job. But, the projects she attempts to undertake on the side are lofty, misplaced, and usually require the collaboration of a whole host of professionals: writers, yes, but also videographers, web-designers, marketers/publicists, and certainly a personal assistant to keep her on task....

Her "team" as it appears today? Me and her poor husband.

Once, this CEO hand-wrote 20 pages worth of an "article," and then she had her husband scan them, email the PDF to me, and ask that I type them into a word processor. This is an actual excerpt of what she had written:

We are often only one step away from making a good day/hour/moment into a GREAT day/hour/moment--pressing yourself into the behavior that will yield fabulous results! Being true to your dreams, ambitions, and goals, pressing forward--the extra effort it takes to live and move and have our being.Listen to me now--you have a choice. That choice will determine your life outcome. Good, small choices become great, wise decisions. The joy of life pays unbelievable dividends when wrapped in positive actions as a result of good choices. Day by day is too big. I'm talking moment-by-moment. The yieldedness to a best future.

She then asked me to "edit" it. And, obviously, this required more than changing the word "yieldedness."

I tried emailing a couple times to find out what the main point of the article was supposed to be, but after she responded three or four times about the font size she wanted me to use and quotes she'd like me to include, I cornered her on the phone and explained I would need to know what the article was about before I could think about its appearance. Turns out, she was trying to write a piece directed toward people in their golden years, helping them make the most of their time before death. (Oh, of course!)

Once I understood the goal, I reduced the 20 pages to three, changed just about everything in the document, and sent her a fairly solid, informative article she wanted to title the September of Life. (I've noticed people who only think they write articles spend a lot of time on titles.)

But, problem: my good work backfired when she liked the finished article so much she wanted to turn it into a booklet.

Now, since she promised to pay for my efforts, I told her I'd "edit" anything she sent me, but that I only wanted to deal with text--no lay-out stuff, no marketing, no anything but the writing part. She agreed. And, after I received another PDF of hand-written notes (this time 40 or 50 pages worth), I arranged it into a cute little booklet which talks about emotional and psychological preparation for the end-of-life. Done. Right?

She called me in for a meeting yesterday, frantic because she wanted desperately to "release" the September of Life booklet in September, but that only leaves two weeks. Here is the email she sent me regarding the topics she wanted to cover in said meeting. (Click to enlarge)

Marketing, publishing strategies, something about hobbies that I didn't even understand. Plus, more talk about quotes being added? (sigh)... I knew it was going to be a painful meeting:

CEO: Did you get my email? Good. I wanted to let you know I've already talked to some publicist friends who have agreed to help me get this booklet in the hands of lawyers, doctors, and other people who regularly see the elderly.

Me: Okay, sounds like a fine idea.

CEO: But, since we don't have any real-life examples of people who benefited from this booklet, I wanted to add quotes about Life from famous athletes, plays, or other authors, if we could. How long would that take?

Me: Um, it depends on how many you wanted and whether we would need to get permission from the person we are quoting. Also, do you want the quotes to be included in the text somehow, or do you want them to appear in a sidebar or at the beginning of each chapter?

CEO: I don't know! I want to stay true to the original intent of the booklet--the vision God gave me. But, since this focus group thing didn't work out, I feel the product I birthed isn't what it was meant to be! (*She is referring to an idea she had about bringing together a group of her friends to answer pages and pages of workbook questions about writing wills, nursing homes, and other things. For some reason, her friends stopped answering calls.)

Mr. CEO (the husband, who is the entire design, print, and marketing team and just wants to make CEO happy): Well, if you'd like me to call the people we wanted to include in the book, I could try to get the answers to those questions.

Me: And then, what? Email their responses to me so I can add it to the content in the book?

Mr. CEO: Would that work?

Me: I can do whatever, as long as my orders are clear.

CEO: If we get a few questions answer in the next week and quotes from famous athletes, can the booklet be printed, bound, and ready to sell by the first?

Me and Mr. CEO (simulataneously): NO

This upsets CEO very much, and she spends the next hour of the meeting trying not to yell at us, while we explain that every little change to the content of the book pushes back the publication--even if you're "self-publishing." Repeatedly, I say:

Me: If you're happy with the booklet as-is, without quotes or real-life stories from people who have read it, then my phase of the project is done and you guys can start the design and self-publish phase now. But, were you hoping for more content?

CEO: Well, the font is way too small for older eyes...

ME: No, that's part of a later step. I'm asking if you're happy with the words as they appear, or if you want me to add more?

CEO: I''ve read it too many times! I know I'm about to burn out, and I just can't look at it anymore!

ME: ????? (What am I supposed to do with that?)

CEO (directing anger at poor husband): I've lost soooo many good ideas because we can't seem to follow a deadline! I feel like I'm bound and gagged in the trunk of a car. That's exactly how I feel. Because my idea has been put out there and I specifically said I want to release it in September. But, if it's not ready to go by September 15th, I'm done."

Me: Well, I'm sorry you're disappointed with the amount of time this is taking. But, I still don't know if you're trying to salvage the "vision God gave you," or if you're more worried about moving on to the publishing phase.

CEO: I just want to talk to this audience! I have such a burden for the people who are wasting their final years. I just want to talk to them! My talents are in the spoken word....

ME: .........(could it be she's starting to realize the real problem?!)

CEO: That's why I believe God wants each booklet to include a complimentary DVD of myself giving a September of Life seminar...

(*Amanda shoots herself in the head*)