Friday, April 20, 2012

Loaf of Trouble

Get out your pens, Ladies.
Today I'm sharing my recipe for making the perfect Loaf of Trouble:

Ingredients
-4-6 pieces of chicken, some stuffing, and breadcrumbs
-1 cup of Fatigue (the "Monthly Visitor" brand works best)
-1 small, cabinet-raiding child
-An over-worked husband, divided. (They separate like eggs: allow your husband very little sleep over several days, and you'll soon be left with just a shell.)
-Equal parts Over-sensitivity and Self-Interest
-Poor Judgement, to taste

Method
While turning the chicken, stuffing, and breadcrumbs into a meal, the chef should trip over the cabinet-raiding child several times, until mildly annoyed. (Note: if working near a recently-swept floor, pour breadcrumbs on it.)  Next, ask the conscious half of the husband to look after baby--save the rest for later. Place over heat.  Don't worry if husband doesn't require much heat before sweetly agreeing--as mine did yesterday. Move to last step.

Use liberal amounts of poor judgement to spread Self-Interest and Over-Sensitivity on top of the remaining (exhausted shell) portion of husband. 
Sample technique:
Wife: It would be great if you'd fix the fridge today.
Husband: I already know.
Wife: You seem grumpy.
Husband: I'm tired.
Wife: You're short-fused.
Husband: Maybe you're being too sensitive.
Wife: So, I just have to deal with it, because you're tired?
Husband:  Oh, here we go.
Wife: What's THAT supposed to mean?...

Continue pounding dough in this manner, until serving raw.

Variations:
Last night, Luke took my Loaf of Trouble and sweetened it with patience and kindness until it was unrecognizable. At 3:15am--which is wide-awake time for a third shift person--Luke woke me to apologize for his part in the baking. He said his backwards-schedule complicates things; he struggles with irritability during his "off-hours." But he also called this “an excuse” which was "too easy." 

Then he promised to work on communicating better--so that it’s harder for me to cook up Trouble in the future.

Luke wrote: “A duet is more beautiful when each singer works to make the other sound more beautiful, instead of fighting to be heard above the other.”   I couldn’t agree more. And I’m grateful for the way he reached out to me, though I was equally guilty of wrong. It’s easy to harmonize with someone like that…

In conclusion, it takes two people to bake a Loaf of Trouble; thus, it only takes one to sabotage it, and make a sweeter variation instead.   

Thanks, honey, for being that person this time around!   

Saturday, April 14, 2012

NO!

McBaby is almost a year now... and the word of the day is: No!

No eating kitty food. No biting Mommy's leg. No chewing on tissues. (Can you tell she's teething?) No pulling hair. No standing in your highchair. NO SCISSORS!  (Baby-proof fail.) 

At this point, she's only learning what the word means--and developing a sense of consequences. She hasn't yet used the classic kid-response to being told no: "why?" That phase has its challenges. But, in some ways, it will be easier when she knows there is a reason I slap her hand away from the light socket.

Hopefully my baby will appreciate the boundaries when she finally sees the whole picture.

This makes me wonder if God (the world's most infamous "killjoy") experiences delight--maybe even relief?--when one of His children finally "gets it." After centuries of Thou-Shalt-Nots and gaining a reputation as a mean, needlessly-authoritarian Father, do you think He celebrates when one of us recognizes His love?  Does He shed tears of happiness when we say, finally, "Thanks, Dad, for caring enough to save me from myself"? 

It's easier to understand all of God's "no-nos" if we believe they exist for our good--even if we don't comprehend the specifics about why. Certain things harm our souls due to spiritual laws, the same way gravity pulls on my baby if she crawls toward the stairs.

On this video, Dr. Timothy Keller parallels the spiritual and physical laws when he answers the question, "[Why] Do you believe there is only one God and only one way to approach him?" at roughly minute 11:40.

"If Jesus is who he says he was....and if he was our original Creator, then of course there would have to be just one way to God; our souls would need Him, or they would shrivel eternally just like my body needs food, or it would shrivel."  

So, when Jesus said "I am the Way," He wasn't just being intolerant. He said "no" to self-salvation and "no" to the idols we chisel for ourselves because we literally don't know how to care for ourselves.

He said "YES" to our restoration.

As a mother, I want to help Cami abide by both physical and spiritual rules--so I repeat no, no, no, no, waiting patiently for the day she understands the reason. (And begins saying "no" to herself.) In result, I'm saying "yes" to "avoiding electrocution" and "yes" to "breath that doesn't smell like IAMS."
And I thank God He cared enough to say "Yes" to the cross.

P.S. Friends, if you've never heard Timothy Keller answer questions from skeptics before, click on the above link. That's not a suggestion; that's an order!  :)

Friday, April 13, 2012

Radio Attention for Selfish into Service

A couple days ago, I wrote a (mildly sarcastic?) commentary about a greedy 9-year-old who profited from a Cardboard Arcade.

Today, much to my excitement, I learned that radio host Peter Heck covered my story and linked his listeners to this blog. Here is the page on peterheck.com, where you can click "listen" to hear the live recording.
----

I'm telling you what, guys: if too many people like my work, I might get paid for it someday....
I better be careful.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Update: Someone FINALLY Contacts the "Racists"

A little over a week ago, I wrote about the pathetic excuse for journalism displayed by Jezebel.com, when they labeled a huge group of Hunger Games fans "racists"--essentially because they used the words "Rue" and "black" in the same sentence on Twitter.

One of the most disheartening parts of the story was the way hundreds of newspapers/blogs copied the story, agreeing with the conclusion (RACISTS!) without even contacting the authors of those Tweets for comment.  (Because, you know, teens always say exactly what they mean in 140 characters or less, and there could be no mistaking their ugly, intolerant, racist intents...)

I complained that our race-obsessed culture is soooo determined to find racism around every corner, that not one person offered another possible explanation for the "shocking" tweets made by a few unsuspecting kids.

Then, today, my friend Bethany shared this article with me: Talking to Teens Who Tweeted Racist Things About the Hunger Games.  Finally: someone tried to let the "racists" defend themselves...

Unfortunately, this author still maintains the Tweeters said "racist things."  One may question when an actor seems too-tall/short for a beloved book character--or she can complain when the actress seems too old/young to suit a mental image. But, if you pictured a different skin color, you better shut up!

Yet, I thought it was only fair to reveal the discovery of at least one other person in the blogosphere who agrees: you can't locate or cure "racism" using a gossip mag's smear-piece.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Greedy Young Businessman Celebrated

Below, you can learn about Caine, a 9-year-old small business owner in LA.


Caine's Arcade from Nirvan Mullick on Vimeo.

This story has been called "heart-warming" and "inspiring" by almost everyone who reads it. But perhaps Caine's fans haven't considered the danger involved in rewarding a small boy for his creativity and hard-work.

Donors have contributed to a college fund for Caine in excess of $54,000. Presumably, his father didn't charge for the cardboard boxes and housed the arcade rent-free, indicating every dollar of Caine's money is profit.  

Do you understand what this means, fellow members of the 99%? We have unwittingly encouraged a future businessman to continue down the path of greed! After one, "harmless" display of support for a 9-year-old entrepreneur, it's very likely this boy developed a taste for money which will progress into adulthood.

If you don't believe me, consider the ticket price policies adopted by Caine's Arcade. With no overhead for electricity or employee salaries, why does Caine need to charge $1 for regular admission? If that's not bad enough, he up-sells every customer on the Fun Pass, which is twice the cost for the same games.

Like all businessmen, Caine wants to squeeze his customers for as much as possible.

Mark my words, that boy will use every penny of his $54,000 to major in business--while the other kids in his neighborhood get left behind. In fact, he might just get the bright idea to hire some of his friends, to run the arcade while he's in school running miles ahead of them. And do you think those other children will ever earn more than the owner himself? No way.

In short, I haven't heard one word about sending the IRS after Caine, to claim society's fair share of his business, and I'm concerned about America's future if this enterprising spirit goes unchecked. He could build the next WalMart, Apple, or Chuck-E-Cheese empire!  He could be a billionaire!

Caine made twice as much as I did this year, and he did it with CARDBOARD. Do we really want to celebrate this destruction of equality?