Reasons to be Rude:
You didn't get enough sleep.
Traffic is moving slowly.
You don't feel like "yourself" today.
You disagree with someone.
You're under stress at work.
You're under stress at home.
So-and-so was rude first.
You have the right to free speech.
You have a "big" personality.
You were joking.
You've been un-selfish for a long time, and you just snapped.
You're online.
No one will know.
Other people are more selfish than you.
You're "right."
Someone else is "wrong."
You're just giving your opinion.
You're criticizing someone famous and he/she should expect negativity.
You learned it from your parents.
You're on a different medication.
They don't have to listen.
Your service was lousy.
You're looking out for number 1.
"I'm not the only one who thinks Barack O-blah-blah is ruining the country." "I just want to enjoy my meal in peace, and sales pitches annoy me." "I feel bad they lost a child, but the Duggar's shouldn't have gotten pregnant again." "This is just how I am--take it or leave it." "If you don't like it, make your blog private." "I've been feeling lonely, and I'm tired of asking God to fix me all the time."
Good Reasons to be Rude:
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Regardless of our many, many, many excuses, rudeness is pure, inexcusable selfishness. We can't be rude and loving at the same time; we can't possibly focus on serving others while justifying a bad attitude toward them.
Comment with other common "reasons to be rude."
you arent awesome but i disagree with this rude statement lol ""If you don't like it, make your blog private."
ReplyDeletefirst off i dont mean to sound selfishness just fair. Its your blog you cant write what you want on it. if someone doesnt like it. tough lol Why dont they make they own blog? lol
this has happened to me. you cant cater to everyone and not everyone will like. Oh i what i meant with worshipping was you need to serve God in selfish way lol. what i mean by that is stay focused on him when you wroship but i love this blog amanda i dont like it when people are rude. lol love this blog
I've had several anonymous posters attack me. They've called names (know-it-all, clueless, bigot), said they feel sorry for my students, and one even accused me of being a poor-hating hypocrite who should release copies of my charitable giving record to prove otherwise.
ReplyDeleteWhen I've pointed out these types of comments are rude, many reply, "You shouldn't post your opinions publicly....make your blog private, if you don't like what I have to say.") It's similar to saying it's okay to insult celebs because they make a lot of money being "seen." Or arguing that politicians (like "O-blah-blah") knew what they were signing up for when they ran for office.
But my point is, being "visible" does NOT take away your humanity. It's not okay to be rude in ANY situation, including toward stars, Presidents, and bloggers who make their stories public.
How about this one:
ReplyDelete"You said, 'I'm sorry, but...' before being rude."
I think you really need to define "rude" because it seems to take a very subjective definition here.
ReplyDeleteWhen you share a PERSONAL opinion based on your PERSONAL perspective, it is inherently PERSONAL. Stating that someone is racist when they make a racist comment (which I think Amanda admitted was racist) is using the commonly accepted definition of "racist." That's like saying you can't call the KKK racist because it's rude. Let's just never say anything negative. Oh wait, Amanda does that all the time. Calling people "rude" because they disagree with you and make you uncomfortable seems to be pretty "rude" in and of itself. I would argue that you are pretty "rude" toward poor people, anyone who is discriminated against, and anyone who disagrees with you.
It's weird how this "rude" thing can go both ways.
Yep, I can be rude. When I wrote this post, I was thinking of my own excuses when I fight with Luke: "I'm tired" or "He was rude first." But it's not okay for me to do that.
ReplyDeleteDid you take away anything from this post?
I think we use the word "rude" as a blanket term without looking into what makes us offended or uncomfortable. There is certainly rude behavior. I agree on what people have said to the Duggars, because they are very upfront that they are just making decisions for their family and not judging others. I think Michelle Duggar is an extremely gracious person. There are also clearly unfounded statements that don't do anything BUT offend (name-calling like bitch, asshole, etc). But I think that meaningful conversation can also be uncomfortable, and I think we often use the term "rude" as a meaningless comeback when we feel defensive because we don't like what other people say.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can tell you think you are taking the high road by admitting that you can be rude too. (Like me, you are not very good at hiding tone in your writing.)
ReplyDeleteMy point was that you made a general blog statement about people being rude (never referencing back to yourself, as if it is directed at others), and then in your comments section it is all about how commenters are rude. (And let's be honest, some of that was directed at me specifically, which is why I responded.) I hope you can see why I brought up the point that it seems a little hypocritical. I am sure that in your mind, because you were thinking about yourself when you wrote the blog, it does not seem that way, but it does not come across that way, particularly given the tone of the comments.
Interesting thoughts. I've said before that people don't like to hear the truth, and sometimes they retaliate with "don't judge me" or "you're very arrogant" instead of having the meaningful conversation you mention.
ReplyDeleteBut that wasn't really the topic of this post. I'm challenging all of us to examine OUR OWN motives to determine whether we try to get away with rude things. I don't need to define the term because, deep down, we know if we've crossed the line. Like when we say, "I'm PMSing" or "It's just been a bad day." Those phrases are confessions we've been rude, but we're excusing it at the same time.
If someone reads this post and thinks, "I'm never rude" then that's great! I'm not going to argue. But most of us ARE inconsiderate at times....and there really is no good excuse.
P.S. I DID reference back to myself. One of the links goes to a story about the time I snapped at my husband. Jeremy brought up the phrase "Make your blog private" so I explained to him why I listed it. MANY posters have said inconsiderate things in the past (You're sad and naive, you don't know how to spell, your blog is worthless, as well as the things I already mentioned to Jeremy.) Yes, the know-it-all reference was yours, but again, if you feel it was justified, (or you want to stand by your former statement: "You have been just as personal as me.") then I sincerely am okay with that.
ReplyDeleteI mean when I say it's not my job to convince someone they're rude. This blog is for people, like me, who already know they struggle with selfishness and want to fix it.
I agree that everyone struggles with selfishness, certainly myself included. And you are right that there was one reference to yourself, that was my mistake. Please consider though that when you brush over things related to you, and then claim that your posts are about yourself, that doesn't really jive. There seems to be a lot more judging of others than sincere contemplation of self. It's interesting that you say you don't care about convincing people when they are rude, because you spend a lot of time pointing out when others are doing things that you do not like.
ReplyDeleteI think a large reason I get so frustrated with that is I know you are a really intelligent person, and I would love to actually have conversations with you, but you seem to be so caught up in judging people. Which, in turn, makes me really annoyed (and I will own that emotion and admit that I wish I didn't feel that way, though I do think it's justified, it's not productive). So the reality is that I should just stop reading your blog, which I know is what you think has been obvious the entire time.
Besides my two "best" traits (curiosity and stubbornness), I think the reason I keep reading is that I am frustrated in a macro-cosmic way by the lack of dialogue in our society. (And I realize that I say things that do not contribute to dialogue plenty, but it is because I am trying to balance sincere honesty with being productive, and I err on being too blunt. It's a process.) It is so ridiculous to me that people have these blogs that only people who agree with them read, because we are all in these social circles full of people who are similar to us. I'm not saying your blog in particular is ridiculous or that there is anything wrong with having a blog, I am just a little perplexed by why people write out all these opinions and then are rarely challenged on them, which I think is the entire point of sharing ideas. I have other thoughts on dialogue/society/etc but I am explaining all of this because I think it gets to your entire motive for having a blog and my motive for reading them - and why I continue to read and comment even when it may be considered rude, and even when part of me thinks its really pointless.
Now you've begun to remind me of a former regular-poster of mine (who calls herself "Searching")... I like to think we had an impact on each other.
ReplyDeleteShe and I discussed this idea of being "judgmental" a lot. But, I’m still hazy about when it's okay to judge and when it isn't. We all make judgment calls, and we can agree some things are plainly wrong—murder, rape, theft, etc. We “judge” them as bad. But, how do we know what is good/bad, right/wrong, and why is it okay to call some things wrong, but not others? To eliminate all confusion, I simply label things "wrong" if the Bible calls it so.
More importantly, even if I became the rudest, most judgmental, hate-spewing Christian in the entire world, what really matters is whether my worldview is true. We’re separated from God by Sin, so we need to reconcile that problem before it's too late. Now, I sincerely hope my style doesn't make people miss God. BUT, once again, I write predominantly for people who already have a relationship with Him. (Think of it like a support group. Mothers meet to discuss common issues. Military wives form groups to build each other up. Diverse relationships are important, but no one can encourage you like someone in the SAME boat.) And, to anyone who stumbles upon the blog who DOESN’T share my beliefs, I say welcome! But I also challenge them to examine the truth, found in the Bible, regardless of their feelings about the way I express it. I practice what I preach because, when it's all said and done, I have to stand before God with an explanation. And THAT will be the REAL judgment. :)
Anyway, if it's conversation you're after, then there arelots between Searching and I! Click on the tab that reads "Posts with Interesting Conversations," and I THINK we began with the article called "Her House is on Fire..."