Disclosure: I'm going to talk about parenting again. Tune in or tune out, as your level of boredom with the topic deems appropriate. :)
----
Grace means receiving a blessing you don't deserve. Mercy is being spared from punishment you do deserve. Easy enough, right?
Unfortunately, children are born ignorant of what they deserve.
Consider this: God spent 2,000 years hammering his Law into the children of Israel, making sure they understood He was fearsome, holy, and demanding of perfection, before surprising them with undeserved gifts. Again, that's 2,000 years outlining His ridiculously-high expectations...
The preacher at church said on Sunday, "The Jews of the Old Testament believed God was hovering above them, just waiting to crack down." And I sat in the pew thinking, "That's because He was!"
Surely you remember the story of Lot's wife: Pillar of salt, anyone? All she did was turn around! And Moses, the actual bearer of the Law--a man who spoke with God like a friend--was barred from the Promised Land because of his sin.
Where were God's grace and mercy in these situations?
----
The Israelites were very much like ignorant kids when God first began speaking through the prophets. They had no idea what passed for "good behavior" and "bad behavior," until their Heavenly Parent explained it to them. And, when they got out of line, God needed to correct them immediately and painfully, for the message to stick.
"That will not be tolerated!...I am a Holy God!" "Purge the evil from among you, and be holy like me."
For this reason, I intentionally act like a very "Mean Mommy" now that Cami is testing her limits.
This is NOT the time to display grace or mercy--when she doesn't understand enough to appreciate it. This is the stage of life where Cami learns what she deserves, before I can bless her with something different. I cannot let her believe disobedience will be tolerated.
Only a lazy parent jumps straight to sympathy, kindness, and forgiveness, because they are easier than being tough.
God didn't do this. He loved the children of Israel dearly, and yet He punished them with famines, desert-wandering, boils, snakes, and even death, as their actions required. He was jealous, angry, no-nonsense and "MEAN," while His babies were learning their place.
He continues parenting the same way today.
Unless a person understands what he/she deserves, God's grace and mercy will not have the intended impact.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my daughter is pulling the cat's hair again. She deserves to sit in the "Naughty Spot," so that's what she is going to get...
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Good Girl
You know the morning has been difficult when a bowl of corn puffs brings Mommy to tears...
----
Cami did NOT sleep long enough last night. And, when she flat refused to eat her yogurt at breakfast, I knew we were gearing for a long, stressful battle.
Cami: Cereal!
Me: You must eat your yogurt first.
(The yogurt already had her vitamin supplement mixed in.)
Cami: *Wailing* NO!!! Cereal!
Me: You can have cereal after the yogurt. But you eat this first. (*tries to offer a bite*)
Cami: *Big, fat tears* NO!!!
Me: Okay, no yogurt, no cereal.
(Cami becomes hysterical and starts screaming.)
Me: If you're going to scream, I have to put you back to bed. Do you want to go to bed?
Cami: NO!
Me: Then stop screaming...
(Cami stops for a couple seconds and then loses control again. Mommy tries to distract her with the choice to get down and play with toys, but Cami keeps saying "Cereal!")
Me: Okay, let's go cry in bed for a little while.
Cami spent about ten minutes crying in her room. When I got her out, she was more subdued. So we decided to argue our cases before Daddy.
Me: Tell Daddy you were crying.
Cami: Cry.
Daddy: Why did you cry?
Me: (prompting) What did you want?
Cami: Cereal!
Me: She wants cereal, but I told her she has to eat yogurt first.
Cami: No!
Me: See?
Daddy: Oh, Cami, you have to listen to your mommy. Are you hungry?
Cami: Hungry.
Daddy: Okay. Eat your yogurt and then you can have cereal.
Mommy and Cami went to the kitchen to try again...and, much to my dismay, there was an exact repeat of the first conversation.
----
Cami loooooooves yogurt. There was no reason to fight with me, except she wanted our morning to follow her terms. Toddlers are just beginning to understand their will is different from their parents'--and that's why power-struggles and temper-fits abound at this stage...
But, once again, when I watch my sweet, stubborn daughter as she grapples for control, I see a tiny version of myself...
All of us have authority figures over us, and the one I most commonly challenge is my husband. I could come up with a thousand reasons I shouldn't have to submit to his decisions. And I have been known to throw one ugly tantrum if he continues with his plan instead of mine.
Thankfully, my husband is learning to let me "go cry in my room," metaphorically speaking, when I get unreasonable. I cannot be in control all the time. It's good for all of us to learn that lesson.
My mother jokingly referred to me as a "mean Mommy" yesterday, when Cami had a melt-down over a sucker stick I threw away. We realize it's not really "mean" for an adult to assert themselves over an ignorant child. It's good for that kid to learn who's in charge...
----
The third time was a charm, and after about two hours of conflict, Cami announced, "Yogurt." I asked, "You're ready to eat the yogurt now?" and she said, "Eat it."
She did. Every bite.
I cheered and squeezed her and kissed her little face and said, "I'm very proud of you for making a good decision!...
...and NOW you can have cereal!"
While she was enjoying her corn puffs, she looked up at me, smiling, and said, "Good girl!"
How could I not tear up? Cami is actually a sinful girl, who wants to be in charge. But she's learning she can (and does) feel proud when she overcomes this to do good things.
----
Cami did NOT sleep long enough last night. And, when she flat refused to eat her yogurt at breakfast, I knew we were gearing for a long, stressful battle.
Cami: Cereal!
Me: You must eat your yogurt first.
(The yogurt already had her vitamin supplement mixed in.)
Cami: *Wailing* NO!!! Cereal!
Me: You can have cereal after the yogurt. But you eat this first. (*tries to offer a bite*)
Cami: *Big, fat tears* NO!!!
Me: Okay, no yogurt, no cereal.
(Cami becomes hysterical and starts screaming.)
Me: If you're going to scream, I have to put you back to bed. Do you want to go to bed?
Cami: NO!
Me: Then stop screaming...
(Cami stops for a couple seconds and then loses control again. Mommy tries to distract her with the choice to get down and play with toys, but Cami keeps saying "Cereal!")
Me: Okay, let's go cry in bed for a little while.
Cami spent about ten minutes crying in her room. When I got her out, she was more subdued. So we decided to argue our cases before Daddy.
Me: Tell Daddy you were crying.
Cami: Cry.
Daddy: Why did you cry?
Me: (prompting) What did you want?
Cami: Cereal!
Me: She wants cereal, but I told her she has to eat yogurt first.
Cami: No!
Me: See?
Daddy: Oh, Cami, you have to listen to your mommy. Are you hungry?
Cami: Hungry.
Daddy: Okay. Eat your yogurt and then you can have cereal.
Mommy and Cami went to the kitchen to try again...and, much to my dismay, there was an exact repeat of the first conversation.
----
Cami loooooooves yogurt. There was no reason to fight with me, except she wanted our morning to follow her terms. Toddlers are just beginning to understand their will is different from their parents'--and that's why power-struggles and temper-fits abound at this stage...
But, once again, when I watch my sweet, stubborn daughter as she grapples for control, I see a tiny version of myself...
All of us have authority figures over us, and the one I most commonly challenge is my husband. I could come up with a thousand reasons I shouldn't have to submit to his decisions. And I have been known to throw one ugly tantrum if he continues with his plan instead of mine.
Thankfully, my husband is learning to let me "go cry in my room," metaphorically speaking, when I get unreasonable. I cannot be in control all the time. It's good for all of us to learn that lesson.
My mother jokingly referred to me as a "mean Mommy" yesterday, when Cami had a melt-down over a sucker stick I threw away. We realize it's not really "mean" for an adult to assert themselves over an ignorant child. It's good for that kid to learn who's in charge...
----
The third time was a charm, and after about two hours of conflict, Cami announced, "Yogurt." I asked, "You're ready to eat the yogurt now?" and she said, "Eat it."
She did. Every bite.
I cheered and squeezed her and kissed her little face and said, "I'm very proud of you for making a good decision!...
...and NOW you can have cereal!"
While she was enjoying her corn puffs, she looked up at me, smiling, and said, "Good girl!"
How could I not tear up? Cami is actually a sinful girl, who wants to be in charge. But she's learning she can (and does) feel proud when she overcomes this to do good things.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Young People, Get Married ONLY if You're Crazy
Having just moved to a new city, I've lost track of how many contracts Luke and I have signed.
The bank, internet provider, electric company, and even the kid who installed our dishwasher all expect our name on the dotted line, as proof we will uphold our end of the bargain.
We've gotten good at navigating the fine print. If I stop paying my phone bill, I realize I'll be put in collections--and probably refused service in the future. But, if the phone company screws up and overcharges me, then I can demand a refund and switch providers, even though I agreed to my contract for a year. If they break the deal first, I'm not bound by it anymore.
Our justice system declares that the dirty, rotten, lying party must absorb the consequences, but the innocent party goes free. It's a fine system.
But, today, I want to remind the church that marriage is not a contract. And if you plan to attach exceptions and loopholes to your vows, please just don't get married.
-----
Marriage is a Covenant.
It is a pledge before loved ones and God Himself that you will be faithful to your spouse until death separates you. You will forsake all others, and the two of you will become ONE FLESH.
This seems straight-forward, blunt, and down-right scary...unless you've been reading Christian literature lately. Thankfully, modern pastors calm us down with the assurance: there are many ways to get out of your promise.
1. If you are physically/emotionally/verbally abused, you can seek a divorce.
2. If your spouse is unfaithful, you're free to go. (And, let's not forget Jesus says just looking at someone lustfully is akin to adultery.)
3. Finally, if your Life Partner is an unbeliever who walks away from you, then he/she stops being your Life Partner.
In these cases, one flesh becomes two again, I guess.
That's the Contract of Marriage, sold in today's Church, and it is sweet! The Church Marriage provides you with a teammate, love, guilt-free sex, and a clear conscience...plus NO RISK!
There's no reason to worry about whether the person you marry is solid and faithful. If he/she isn't, you're off the hook! Just pick another person, roll the dice, and try again.
I'm not sure why the disciples were horrified by Jesus' description of the union. When He explained God's intentions for marriage, they said "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry!" Actually, guys, it's not so bad. If your spouse messes up, the deal is off.
Easy.
----
Unfortunately, I didn't know about the Contract of Marriage when I wed my husband 4 1/2 years ago. Instead I stuck myself with a God-Witnessed Covenant.
Now it doesn't matter what Luke does, I must be faithful to him. That's what I promised.
If he renounces his faith and walks away, I'll be sad and lonely as a single woman. But I will be faithful to my word.
If he begins harming me physically, I will be shocked and devastated. (And I am free to separate myself from the situation.--1 Cor. 7:10,11) But I will not run to another man for comfort.
And even if Luke finds a younger, hotter woman--and leaves me in order to "marry" her--I will honor my vows. It won't matter that 90% of church leaders would encourage me to "move on" and find a new husband; nor would it matter that the laws of the land allow this. May God cut me in two before I violate His spiritual law of Covenants.
----
I ask you, unmarried readers, to consider carefully before "signing up" for a spouse. What happens to your soul is far more serious than an agreement filled with contingencies.
It cannot be undone.
Therefore, I ask that I be kept accountable, should the unthinkable happen and I find myself abandoned and hurting. I know my rationalization hamster would scurry to justify being selfish, especially since that selfishness would be encouraged by pastors and fellow Christians saying, "You deserve another shot. It's not your fault your ex-husband rebelled! Would God punish you for his sin? Luke broke the contract!"
But don't let me fall for that, dear reader.
I swear: I will not be romantically involved with another man unless Luke dies...exactly as I swore on June 14, 2008.
I know that's totally crazy. But I'm crazy-serious about Covenants.
And I implore you, young people, do not get married unless you are equally so.
----
This was posted after being read and approved by my Life Partner, Luke. :)
For an even more hard-hitting perspective, check out this blog.
For a very thorough examination on the Scriptures regarding divorce/remarriage, see Theologian John Piper's "position paper" here.
The bank, internet provider, electric company, and even the kid who installed our dishwasher all expect our name on the dotted line, as proof we will uphold our end of the bargain.
We've gotten good at navigating the fine print. If I stop paying my phone bill, I realize I'll be put in collections--and probably refused service in the future. But, if the phone company screws up and overcharges me, then I can demand a refund and switch providers, even though I agreed to my contract for a year. If they break the deal first, I'm not bound by it anymore.
Our justice system declares that the dirty, rotten, lying party must absorb the consequences, but the innocent party goes free. It's a fine system.
But, today, I want to remind the church that marriage is not a contract. And if you plan to attach exceptions and loopholes to your vows, please just don't get married.
-----
Marriage is a Covenant.
It is a pledge before loved ones and God Himself that you will be faithful to your spouse until death separates you. You will forsake all others, and the two of you will become ONE FLESH.
This seems straight-forward, blunt, and down-right scary...unless you've been reading Christian literature lately. Thankfully, modern pastors calm us down with the assurance: there are many ways to get out of your promise.
1. If you are physically/emotionally/verbally abused, you can seek a divorce.
2. If your spouse is unfaithful, you're free to go. (And, let's not forget Jesus says just looking at someone lustfully is akin to adultery.)
3. Finally, if your Life Partner is an unbeliever who walks away from you, then he/she stops being your Life Partner.
In these cases, one flesh becomes two again, I guess.
That's the Contract of Marriage, sold in today's Church, and it is sweet! The Church Marriage provides you with a teammate, love, guilt-free sex, and a clear conscience...plus NO RISK!
There's no reason to worry about whether the person you marry is solid and faithful. If he/she isn't, you're off the hook! Just pick another person, roll the dice, and try again.
I'm not sure why the disciples were horrified by Jesus' description of the union. When He explained God's intentions for marriage, they said "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry!" Actually, guys, it's not so bad. If your spouse messes up, the deal is off.
Easy.
----
Unfortunately, I didn't know about the Contract of Marriage when I wed my husband 4 1/2 years ago. Instead I stuck myself with a God-Witnessed Covenant.
Now it doesn't matter what Luke does, I must be faithful to him. That's what I promised.
If he renounces his faith and walks away, I'll be sad and lonely as a single woman. But I will be faithful to my word.
If he begins harming me physically, I will be shocked and devastated. (And I am free to separate myself from the situation.--1 Cor. 7:10,11) But I will not run to another man for comfort.
And even if Luke finds a younger, hotter woman--and leaves me in order to "marry" her--I will honor my vows. It won't matter that 90% of church leaders would encourage me to "move on" and find a new husband; nor would it matter that the laws of the land allow this. May God cut me in two before I violate His spiritual law of Covenants.
----
I ask you, unmarried readers, to consider carefully before "signing up" for a spouse. What happens to your soul is far more serious than an agreement filled with contingencies.
It cannot be undone.
Therefore, I ask that I be kept accountable, should the unthinkable happen and I find myself abandoned and hurting. I know my rationalization hamster would scurry to justify being selfish, especially since that selfishness would be encouraged by pastors and fellow Christians saying, "You deserve another shot. It's not your fault your ex-husband rebelled! Would God punish you for his sin? Luke broke the contract!"
But don't let me fall for that, dear reader.
I swear: I will not be romantically involved with another man unless Luke dies...exactly as I swore on June 14, 2008.
I know that's totally crazy. But I'm crazy-serious about Covenants.
And I implore you, young people, do not get married unless you are equally so.
----
This was posted after being read and approved by my Life Partner, Luke. :)
For an even more hard-hitting perspective, check out this blog.
For a very thorough examination on the Scriptures regarding divorce/remarriage, see Theologian John Piper's "position paper" here.
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