Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Final Post--Burning the Blog Idol

As of today, I'll no longer be blogging at Turning Selfish into Service.

Recently, I started thinking how much easier my life would be if I found a regular sitter for Cami, so I could think and write uninterrupted--and that's when I realized it was time to shut the operation down.

A little drastic?  (A little "legalistic?")  I disagree...

(Note: this post is a continuation of the last one. Please read it first.)

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The theme of this space has been sacrifice.

I started blogging three years ago, about giving up things God hates.  And, in my last post, I alluded to the idea that God may even require us to sacrifice things that seem perfectly "good." He wants our submission, our uncompromising obedience--our ALL.

Thus, there is nothing wrong with writing as a hobby. But when I start elevating it above more important things (like my God-given, motherly duties), there's a strong chance it's becoming an idol.

I think of the story of Abraham and Isaac.  The boy wasn't evil. Indeed, God gave Isaac to Abraham in his old age as a blessing.  But, therein lies the danger.

Our most precious gifts--whether they are people, things, or talents--pose the biggest threat to our allegiance to God.

How can we prove the Lord matters more than anything, unless we're willing to sacrifice the most intimate and sacred parts of ourselves?

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I've already covered the idea that not all our natural impulses need to be indulged. Today, I want to push a step further by asking: What if some of our gifts and talents are given to us precisely so we may give them up to God?  

I think of the Iranian pastor, Youcef Nadarkhani, who has spent the last seven years in and out of prison--simply for practicing Christianity in a Muslim country. Does sitting in jail showcase his talents? Youcef believed he was gifted in preaching, so he pursued ministry. Yet, God saw fit to take away the physical pulpit, separate man from family, and require him, essentially, to wait...and be patient...

Doesn't that seem like a waste?

Now, what about the gifted athlete, who endures a career-ending injury? Or the successful businessman who throws his energy into a tiny non-profit? Hey, think of the mother who earned a prestigious college degree, maybe even a graduate title...and then decided to stay home and raise her children!

Talk about not reaching her potential...

Why would God allow these people to neglect their best skills?! He could have provided platforms so each of them could reach hundreds more souls "for the Kingdom" than they do now.  They are squandering their ability, like the wicked servant who buried his talents in the sand...

...Unless the most impressive things about us--the things about which we're most proud--make the most fragrant offerings when sacrificed to God.

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I'm afraid all of us are a bit obsessed with finding (and talking about) our "purpose." Consider this blogger's words about the Church's misguided approach to Spiritual Gifts...

"Spiritual gifts assessments generally serve to reveal strengths. This is because the assessments depend on human understanding and effort as given by human plans, business management formulas, and the study of psychology. The spiritual gifts assessment only seems to function as a personality profile..."

He goes on to quote Dr. Robert Klenck:
"The (false) premise is that God uses people in their areas of strength, rather than in areas where they are weak." 

Let me reiterate. The things you do best may not be the skills God wants to use. In fact, your favorite parts about yourself may actually present a stumbling block, if you love them to the point of idolatry...
We spend a disproportionate time studying and "discovering" ourselves, when it's God's personality--God's strength--that really matters...
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My savvy readers will have questions. If we can't trust our self-identified strengths alone, then how can we know what God requires of us?  How do we determine when a goal should be pursued...or when God demands a burnt offering?

Two things to consider:

#1. If just the slightest bit of selfishness reigns in my action, it corrupts the entire project. 

Every good plan goes sour when we start seeking our own interests instead of God's. Motivation makes all the difference. There is no room for humanism in a Christian's pursuits.

#2. Our corrupt flesh (the "Old Man") constantly tries removing God from that first position.

Selfishness is our natural state, and it doesn't take much for a relapse. Thus, we must resist our culture's emphasis on our own importance. It inevitably creates a slippery slope of ugliness.

I think of a teenager hitting his alarm clock in the morning, mumbling, "Just give me five more minutes!" Does the teen actually need more sleep--or is he just fumbling for an excuse? He asks for another five minutes, as soon the clock rings again!

Yet, even recognizing this phenomena, we allow society to tell us we need just "five minutes" of self-centeredness now and then.

"I need a break!"
"Just some time to myself!"
"Give me FIVE MINUTES of me-time, and I'll feel better!"

But five minutes of selfishness never is enough.

We will reach for the snooze again and again--always convincing ourselves we'll feel better afterward. But "Me" always requires more.  According to my flesh, I'll never be sufficiently self-focused.
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The point is coming. I promise.

I've always believed my children are mine to raise.  There is nothing more important to me than godly wife-and-motherhood, and I wish to be completely sold-out to those tasks.

Thus, when my flesh started looking for ways to pawn my daughter off with someone else--just for a bit of "peace"--I saw a red flag. It's the beginning of the Alarm Clock game, but I don't want to play.

Not-so-coincidentally, I read this post at Thinking Housewife and was comforted to see I'm not the only person learning this lesson. Read:

"I am a traditionalist, married mother. But I have not been confident in this role. I have berated myself for years for not being a 'successful' career woman...
I shuddered at the thought of dumping my child with someone else while I pursued my dream. I loved my child with an intensity that truly did hurt. I protected the innocence which our world tries so hard to steal away. 
[Yet] Through all this, there was always the underlying yearning to be the full me. To do that thing I was meant to do if I could only find the time in the evening, early morning or when it was my off week at homeschool co-op. Then I found your site and I found myself losing those desires. Now, I can only try to wish back all those wasted hours and days yearning for something so superficial..."

This woman was tempted by selfishness. But, she finally realized she wasn't lacking time or enough help or interesting hobbies in her day. The only reason her discontentment became fulfillment is she changed her attitude.

Christians, do you see where I'm going with this?

The more I think I need "me time," the more likely it becomes that what I really need is a change of perspective. If I can't choose contentment right now, then no amount of help or break-taking will fix it.

There aren't enough babysitters in the world to lighten my load--when my biggest burden is a suitcase full of confused priorities. I'd only succeed in adding to my problems by opening the door (just a crack) for selfishness...and creating a monster.

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So, my work at Turning Selfish-into Service has come to an end.
It has been three years and two babies since I started the site. When I start writing again, it will be at a new web address--with a theme that more thoroughly reflects my growth and new topics of interest.

Meanwhile, there's nothing inherently wrong with writing. But, like most arts, it requires LOTS of uninterrupted personal time. These last few weeks, I've found myself letting the housework pile up and perpetually "shhh"-ing my daughter.

I don't like that trend.

If the hobby leads to self-centeredness, I want nothing to do with it.  I don't want what God doesn't want. I must decrease so that He may increase. And, in this case, it means giving up something I love a little too much.

When I return to the blogosphere, it will be when I can manage without slighting my husband and small children.  Yes, I could find someone to stand in for me a couple days a week, so I could get Mommy Time. Or I could sneak in some work, when the babies are napping. (Eventually, I may do that.)

But there cannot be a hint of self-worship.

I'd rather sit in an empty jail cell twiddling my thumbs (and "wasting my talents") than spend another minute serving an impotent idol.

It's painful and sacrificial--and, on top of that--the world will encourage me to hit the snooze. (They say: "You'll be a better mommy if you let someone else be mommy for awhile...") But I've scoured the Bible and I can't find anything that resembles "following your heart" and "doing what you love"--most especially at the expense of others.

The overarching theme of the Christian life is what the theme of this blog has been: sacrifice.

So, until I can write without neglecting my family, I lay my gift upon the altar.
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P.S. I have a slightly different perspective from the lady who regrets her children, huh?

2 comments:

  1. I'm bummed that you're done for now, and yet, this last post so perfectly sums up the title of your blog... so it's kind of perfect.

    Leaders at GFA often say, "The enemy of the best is the good."

    It's a reminder for us that, yes, there are lots of good Bible studies and ministries and whatnot to get involved in, and they are all legitimately good things. But if those things distract us from the unique calling God has given us in reaching Asia, it's better to let them go--at least for the time being.

    I'm glad you are wise enough to see when something good is distracting you from God's best. I know that whenever you come back to the blogosphere, your writing will be better for it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's also kind of perfect for my Top Commenter to leave a response on my last post.
      Now (to quote one of my mentors) it is finished! :)

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