Meanwhile, I'll throw in a post when I find something I deem post-worthy. For instance, I've heard some buzz about Teri Hatcher's new book, Burnt Toast and Other Philosophies of Life, but I find myself unimpressed with her overarching "philosophy." This article offers an excerpt, and I encourage you to read it
Basically, the title of the book comes from Teri's experiences watching her mother eat the burnt toast during breakfast, so no one else would have to do it. I think all of us have a grandmother, aunt, or mother who does the same type of thing: eats the "defective" entree, takes the smallest piece of cake, or serves herself last--after the food has gone cold. And Teri thinks this is a shame!
"Up 'til now, I ate the burnt toast. I learned that from my mother -- metaphorically if not literally. I can't actually remember if she even likes toast or how she eats it. But what I know for sure is that although she was a loving and devoted wife and mother, she always took care of everyone and everything else before herself. This habitual self-sacrifice was well intended, but ultimately it's a mixed message for a child. It taught me that in order for me to succeed, someone else had to suffer. I learned to accept whatever was in front of me without complaint because I didn't think I deserved good things."
I understand the point she's trying to make. Women, don't consider yourselves second-class. Do things for yourselves every once in awhile! Blah, blah, blah. But, I think Teri sort of misunderstands the principle behind eating burnt toast. And she certainly doesn't grasp the positive side of self-sacrifice.
It's in a mother's nature to do anything for her family. We make grand claims, like, "I would take a bullet for my baby" and "I would move mountains to make sure they're safe," because our families are our number one concern. The protective instinct is God-given, love-driven, and--for the most part--applauded by society. Good moms will lay down their lives for their loved ones, and that's as it should be.
So, why do we scoff at a more practical example of that principle? Most of us will never get the chance to prove our love in martyrdom (thank God!) But all women will come face-to-face with the chance to be sacrificial at the dinner table. Comparatively, this is easy! Why does it make Teri's skin crawl?
I'd rather have a few cold dinners than brag about mountains I'll never actually be able to move.
I'd MUCH rather say, "I love you" with a piece of burnt toast than with that bullet we always reference.
I'd MUCH rather say, "I love you" with a piece of burnt toast than with that bullet we always reference.
Self-sacrifice is part of motherhood, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Self-sacrifice is necessary for true love. If "There's no love like a mother's,"we shouldn't be surprised when women volunteer for the raw end of the deal now and then, and we shouldn't pity them for that, either. There is a certain joy in knowing you're loving your family the best way you can. And if it's a simple as burnt toast, I hope I get the chance to eat a LOT of it...
(Note: I want to reiterate that I have not read all of Teri's book, and that she says her aim is to empower women who feel they "don't deserve" anything good in life. There is a difference between sacrificing due to low self-esteem, and sacrificing out of love--which builds high self-esteem. I simply wished to make the point that--perhaps--Teri misunderstood her mother's motivation, and that sacrificially eating the burnt toast can be another kind of empowerment...)
(Note: I want to reiterate that I have not read all of Teri's book, and that she says her aim is to empower women who feel they "don't deserve" anything good in life. There is a difference between sacrificing due to low self-esteem, and sacrificing out of love--which builds high self-esteem. I simply wished to make the point that--perhaps--Teri misunderstood her mother's motivation, and that sacrificially eating the burnt toast can be another kind of empowerment...)
