While my mother-in-law is hanging out with my daughter today, I may or may not be taking the opportunity to plant myself on the couch and watch mind-numbing drivel on Netflix. (For example, maybe the TLC show Toddlers & Tiaras?)
In my defense, I'm very busy letting my washer clean a load of clothes at the same time...
Anyway, one episode is featuring a self-identified "conservative Christian" woman, who believes God has blessed her with the chance to enter her 5-year-old step-daughter in beauty pageants. (In fact, she says when she found out the girl was five, that's how she knew she was meant to marry the girl's dad.)
In my last post, I suggested the Church has really skewed the definition of the word "blessed." But, even if you disagree, I hope we will find common ground this time, regarding the questionable things said by this lady about prayer. To my fellow conservative Christian women, this is how we are being represented on national television.
Little Girl: "God, I pray I do very well on my talent and on my beauty walks."
Mom: "...I pray that You will bless and anoint Saryniti..."
Mom: (to camera) "My name is Ca'Trina, and I have faith that my daughter Saryniti is going to win her first glitz pageant ever."
No, I'm not making this up. Keep reading, if you dare.
Ca'Trina: "...I pray about every single outfit she puts on." (To Saryniti:) "All that prayer is starting to kick in! Look at you go!"
(To Camera:) "Through hours and hours of prayer, the Lord is telling me that this is okay and that He is welcoming pageants into our lives."
Later, at the beauty salon...
"I had to pray really hard about [giving my daughter] the spray tan. I'm still not exactly comfortable, but I think God's going to hold my hand through it."
Oh, dear. Where to start? We agree she sounds completely ridiculous, right? But can anyone help me pin-point exactly what's wrong with the theological belief here? I mean, the Bible says to pray about everything...
Meanwhile, can we just whip out the Cutesy Christian Motto "I prayed about it" and justify everything we want to do? What if we use a related motto: "I have a great peace" or "God told me to ______" Are these statements ever good enough reasons to continue on a certain path?
Personally, I don't think this lady sounds crazy just because she's talking about a beauty pageant. If her theology is flawed, then we are all equally crazy to use the same methods, even with "bigger" situations.
Most of us have sounded exactly like her in the past--but we were talking about moving to a new city. ("I'm at peace.") Or we were making a career change. ("God has called me.") I'm pretty sure non-Christians are just as skeptical when we make these statements as we are of Ca'Trina...and I think they have good reason. They raise their eyebrows, give a little snort, and ask, "God told you that, huh?"
And, well, did He really?
-----
As a side note, if you're interested in seeing the clips from the show, you can jump to this write-up from Jezebel.com. It's the same internet tabloid I criticized some months ago for their race-baiting article about the Hunger Games fans. But, this time, their headline is, "Jesus Does Not Give a Crap About Your Kid's Glitzy Pageant."--and, as much as it pains me, I think I agree with that statement.
-----
Side Note #2 I should mention that Saryniti only got the thanks-for-competing crown, despite her step-mom "praying over every single second she's up there."
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Cutesy Christian Motto #1, God Wants to Bless You
Yesterday, I indulged in a Facebook tirade regarding the dumbing-down of the Church. It used to boast the most educated people in the world. Back when the average man was illiterate and spent all day trying to feed his family with his small, private farm, there wasn't any time to memorize history, observe the stars, or sit and meditate on the Truths of Scripture.
By contrast, members of the Clergy were given the rare opportunity to stretch their minds, and they took their jobs as scholars very seriously.
But, today, most Christians are no more familiar with the precepts of Scripture than their ancestors who couldn't read. We are content with slogans and churchy sayings, which offer just enough truth to whet our pallet--while our souls shrivel from malnourishment.
As I said yesterday, we have a form of godliness, but our version of Christianity boils down to several cutesy, Christian mottoes, which often contradict each other...and Scripture.
------
"God looks at the heart." "Don't hurt your testimony!" "I've been given a vision." "I'm loved just the way I am." "I'm under attack." (Which gives people with the "gift of encouragement" a chance to say: "All things work together for good!") "We need to reach people for Jesus," which becomes even more popular during costly expansion projects. etc. etc.
If we've heard these statements launched from a pulpit, we don't even care what the context is. He's a preacher, so it must be Gospel truth. Plus, the catchphrases are easier to manage and much less likely to choke us than Scripture that hasn't been pre-chewed for us.
So we use them to build our entire theology.
But how many Christians even know where to find the Big Kid version of these cliches in the Bible? For as much as we quote them--do we even consider what we mean by them?
----
Today, I'm putting one Cutesy Christian Motto under the microscope, and I may tackle a few more in the future. Let's ask ourselves, what do we mean when we say "God bless ____"
First, a true story. When I was born, my Grandpa Bob purchased a savings bond for each of my birthdays and Christmases until I was 18 years old. That's 36 bonds! He reasoned they would be mature by the time I went to college, and education was very important to him.
You may think, "Wow, that's a really nice gift!"--and you're right. But can you imagine my reaction as a small child, getting an envelope every time I saw him?
"Hmmm...I wonder what this is. Oh, wow! Another yellow piece of paper with a face on it. Gee, thanks." (*goes back to playing with the good presents.*)
My mom really tried explaining that I would appreciate it when I was older. But a child's definition of "valuable" is much different from an adult's. I just didn't understand.
----
Jump back to Christians asking God to "bless them"--and even saying "God wants to bless us"--presumably referring to Matthew 7:9-11. "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
And those verses mean, of course, that God wants to give me gifts! Good gifts! ...Right?
But what if God's definition of a "blessing" is different from ours? What if God's gifts are good, yet often disappointing like a savings bond to a 10-year-old?
Want some reason to adopt my theory? Jesus talks about blessings in a chunk of his Sermon on the Mount, and He says blessed are the poor in spirit...blessed are those who mourn...blessed are you, when you get insulted.
I doubt these are what we have in mind, when we pray for a "blessed day."
Also, I think a better understanding of the term "blessing" would help us make more sense of things when faced with real, character-testing trials. So many Christians expect God to shower them with "good gifts," or to at least protect them from harm. Then they find themselves in heart-wrenching trouble, and no amount of pleading for help seems to work. What gives?
If we only prepare for the human definition of "blessings"--what do we tell the lady whose cancer has returned for the third time? She's not praying right? God doesn't want to bless her? When we're just waiting for God to throw open the storehouses of Heaven in our favor, what do we tell the mothers who sent their kindergarteners off to school and never saw them alive again?...
"The storehouse door is jammed."
"Think positive."
"You're just under attack at the moment...but get ready for a blessing!"
No. These sound ridiculous because they are hollowed-out versions of God's Word. And if your beliefs about God don't hold up when tragedy strikes--if they're only true sometimes--then they aren't true at all.
We prepare ourselves for "God-sized" blessings, and then get shocked when there's no pony under the tree. Not to mention, we must actively ignore the Scriptures where Paul, Peter, and James warn us to expect suffering and rejoice over it. We've forgotten His ways are not our own...
Look, I realize this is a complicated subject, and I don't mean to imply I've arrived at total understanding. But, I'm saying, we can't stand on the motto "God wants to bless us" insofar as it means "God wants to put a smile on our faces" because that theology doesn't stand up to real life. We have to find a way to reconcile all of the Scriptures together, instead of clinging to the snippets that make us feel good for a moment.
I think we need a grown-up definition of "blessing"...one that recognizes we're blessed to have a God who works tirelessly to make us holy. When we tell ourselves His first priority is our happiness, then suffering makes no sense. If we tell ourselves we just have to be patient and think positive because the good stuff is right around the corner, we're sunk when the corner never comes. What if we never get the stuff we want? Is God still good? Did He forget to bless us?
Or is it possible the trials and sufferings are themselves the blessing we request so often without thinking?
(Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ ...you are blessed. --From 1 Peter 4)
----
Do you agree that "God wants to bless us" is an example of oversimplified, paper-thin doctrine that tends to crumble under scrutiny? Can you think of other Christianese sayings which send a thrill through the congregation on Sunday morning, but prove ambiguous (or even completely *wrong*) when tested in real life?
By contrast, members of the Clergy were given the rare opportunity to stretch their minds, and they took their jobs as scholars very seriously.
But, today, most Christians are no more familiar with the precepts of Scripture than their ancestors who couldn't read. We are content with slogans and churchy sayings, which offer just enough truth to whet our pallet--while our souls shrivel from malnourishment.
As I said yesterday, we have a form of godliness, but our version of Christianity boils down to several cutesy, Christian mottoes, which often contradict each other...and Scripture.
------
"God looks at the heart." "Don't hurt your testimony!" "I've been given a vision." "I'm loved just the way I am." "I'm under attack." (Which gives people with the "gift of encouragement" a chance to say: "All things work together for good!") "We need to reach people for Jesus," which becomes even more popular during costly expansion projects. etc. etc.
If we've heard these statements launched from a pulpit, we don't even care what the context is. He's a preacher, so it must be Gospel truth. Plus, the catchphrases are easier to manage and much less likely to choke us than Scripture that hasn't been pre-chewed for us.
So we use them to build our entire theology.
But how many Christians even know where to find the Big Kid version of these cliches in the Bible? For as much as we quote them--do we even consider what we mean by them?
----
Today, I'm putting one Cutesy Christian Motto under the microscope, and I may tackle a few more in the future. Let's ask ourselves, what do we mean when we say "God bless ____"
First, a true story. When I was born, my Grandpa Bob purchased a savings bond for each of my birthdays and Christmases until I was 18 years old. That's 36 bonds! He reasoned they would be mature by the time I went to college, and education was very important to him.
You may think, "Wow, that's a really nice gift!"--and you're right. But can you imagine my reaction as a small child, getting an envelope every time I saw him?
"Hmmm...I wonder what this is. Oh, wow! Another yellow piece of paper with a face on it. Gee, thanks." (*goes back to playing with the good presents.*)
My mom really tried explaining that I would appreciate it when I was older. But a child's definition of "valuable" is much different from an adult's. I just didn't understand.
----
Jump back to Christians asking God to "bless them"--and even saying "God wants to bless us"--presumably referring to Matthew 7:9-11. "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
And those verses mean, of course, that God wants to give me gifts! Good gifts! ...Right?
But what if God's definition of a "blessing" is different from ours? What if God's gifts are good, yet often disappointing like a savings bond to a 10-year-old?
Want some reason to adopt my theory? Jesus talks about blessings in a chunk of his Sermon on the Mount, and He says blessed are the poor in spirit...blessed are those who mourn...blessed are you, when you get insulted.
I doubt these are what we have in mind, when we pray for a "blessed day."
Also, I think a better understanding of the term "blessing" would help us make more sense of things when faced with real, character-testing trials. So many Christians expect God to shower them with "good gifts," or to at least protect them from harm. Then they find themselves in heart-wrenching trouble, and no amount of pleading for help seems to work. What gives?
If we only prepare for the human definition of "blessings"--what do we tell the lady whose cancer has returned for the third time? She's not praying right? God doesn't want to bless her? When we're just waiting for God to throw open the storehouses of Heaven in our favor, what do we tell the mothers who sent their kindergarteners off to school and never saw them alive again?...
"The storehouse door is jammed."
"Think positive."
"You're just under attack at the moment...but get ready for a blessing!"
No. These sound ridiculous because they are hollowed-out versions of God's Word. And if your beliefs about God don't hold up when tragedy strikes--if they're only true sometimes--then they aren't true at all.
We prepare ourselves for "God-sized" blessings, and then get shocked when there's no pony under the tree. Not to mention, we must actively ignore the Scriptures where Paul, Peter, and James warn us to expect suffering and rejoice over it. We've forgotten His ways are not our own...
Look, I realize this is a complicated subject, and I don't mean to imply I've arrived at total understanding. But, I'm saying, we can't stand on the motto "God wants to bless us" insofar as it means "God wants to put a smile on our faces" because that theology doesn't stand up to real life. We have to find a way to reconcile all of the Scriptures together, instead of clinging to the snippets that make us feel good for a moment.
I think we need a grown-up definition of "blessing"...one that recognizes we're blessed to have a God who works tirelessly to make us holy. When we tell ourselves His first priority is our happiness, then suffering makes no sense. If we tell ourselves we just have to be patient and think positive because the good stuff is right around the corner, we're sunk when the corner never comes. What if we never get the stuff we want? Is God still good? Did He forget to bless us?
Or is it possible the trials and sufferings are themselves the blessing we request so often without thinking?
(Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ ...you are blessed. --From 1 Peter 4)
----
Do you agree that "God wants to bless us" is an example of oversimplified, paper-thin doctrine that tends to crumble under scrutiny? Can you think of other Christianese sayings which send a thrill through the congregation on Sunday morning, but prove ambiguous (or even completely *wrong*) when tested in real life?
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
God the Parent
Disclosure: I'm going to talk about parenting again. Tune in or tune out, as your level of boredom with the topic deems appropriate. :)
----
Grace means receiving a blessing you don't deserve. Mercy is being spared from punishment you do deserve. Easy enough, right?
Unfortunately, children are born ignorant of what they deserve.
Consider this: God spent 2,000 years hammering his Law into the children of Israel, making sure they understood He was fearsome, holy, and demanding of perfection, before surprising them with undeserved gifts. Again, that's 2,000 years outlining His ridiculously-high expectations...
The preacher at church said on Sunday, "The Jews of the Old Testament believed God was hovering above them, just waiting to crack down." And I sat in the pew thinking, "That's because He was!"
Surely you remember the story of Lot's wife: Pillar of salt, anyone? All she did was turn around! And Moses, the actual bearer of the Law--a man who spoke with God like a friend--was barred from the Promised Land because of his sin.
Where were God's grace and mercy in these situations?
----
The Israelites were very much like ignorant kids when God first began speaking through the prophets. They had no idea what passed for "good behavior" and "bad behavior," until their Heavenly Parent explained it to them. And, when they got out of line, God needed to correct them immediately and painfully, for the message to stick.
"That will not be tolerated!...I am a Holy God!" "Purge the evil from among you, and be holy like me."
For this reason, I intentionally act like a very "Mean Mommy" now that Cami is testing her limits.
This is NOT the time to display grace or mercy--when she doesn't understand enough to appreciate it. This is the stage of life where Cami learns what she deserves, before I can bless her with something different. I cannot let her believe disobedience will be tolerated.
Only a lazy parent jumps straight to sympathy, kindness, and forgiveness, because they are easier than being tough.
God didn't do this. He loved the children of Israel dearly, and yet He punished them with famines, desert-wandering, boils, snakes, and even death, as their actions required. He was jealous, angry, no-nonsense and "MEAN," while His babies were learning their place.
He continues parenting the same way today.
Unless a person understands what he/she deserves, God's grace and mercy will not have the intended impact.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my daughter is pulling the cat's hair again. She deserves to sit in the "Naughty Spot," so that's what she is going to get...
----
Grace means receiving a blessing you don't deserve. Mercy is being spared from punishment you do deserve. Easy enough, right?
Unfortunately, children are born ignorant of what they deserve.
Consider this: God spent 2,000 years hammering his Law into the children of Israel, making sure they understood He was fearsome, holy, and demanding of perfection, before surprising them with undeserved gifts. Again, that's 2,000 years outlining His ridiculously-high expectations...
The preacher at church said on Sunday, "The Jews of the Old Testament believed God was hovering above them, just waiting to crack down." And I sat in the pew thinking, "That's because He was!"
Surely you remember the story of Lot's wife: Pillar of salt, anyone? All she did was turn around! And Moses, the actual bearer of the Law--a man who spoke with God like a friend--was barred from the Promised Land because of his sin.
Where were God's grace and mercy in these situations?
----
The Israelites were very much like ignorant kids when God first began speaking through the prophets. They had no idea what passed for "good behavior" and "bad behavior," until their Heavenly Parent explained it to them. And, when they got out of line, God needed to correct them immediately and painfully, for the message to stick.
"That will not be tolerated!...I am a Holy God!" "Purge the evil from among you, and be holy like me."
For this reason, I intentionally act like a very "Mean Mommy" now that Cami is testing her limits.
This is NOT the time to display grace or mercy--when she doesn't understand enough to appreciate it. This is the stage of life where Cami learns what she deserves, before I can bless her with something different. I cannot let her believe disobedience will be tolerated.
Only a lazy parent jumps straight to sympathy, kindness, and forgiveness, because they are easier than being tough.
God didn't do this. He loved the children of Israel dearly, and yet He punished them with famines, desert-wandering, boils, snakes, and even death, as their actions required. He was jealous, angry, no-nonsense and "MEAN," while His babies were learning their place.
He continues parenting the same way today.
Unless a person understands what he/she deserves, God's grace and mercy will not have the intended impact.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my daughter is pulling the cat's hair again. She deserves to sit in the "Naughty Spot," so that's what she is going to get...
Monday, December 10, 2012
Good Girl
You know the morning has been difficult when a bowl of corn puffs brings Mommy to tears...
----
Cami did NOT sleep long enough last night. And, when she flat refused to eat her yogurt at breakfast, I knew we were gearing for a long, stressful battle.
Cami: Cereal!
Me: You must eat your yogurt first.
(The yogurt already had her vitamin supplement mixed in.)
Cami: *Wailing* NO!!! Cereal!
Me: You can have cereal after the yogurt. But you eat this first. (*tries to offer a bite*)
Cami: *Big, fat tears* NO!!!
Me: Okay, no yogurt, no cereal.
(Cami becomes hysterical and starts screaming.)
Me: If you're going to scream, I have to put you back to bed. Do you want to go to bed?
Cami: NO!
Me: Then stop screaming...
(Cami stops for a couple seconds and then loses control again. Mommy tries to distract her with the choice to get down and play with toys, but Cami keeps saying "Cereal!")
Me: Okay, let's go cry in bed for a little while.
Cami spent about ten minutes crying in her room. When I got her out, she was more subdued. So we decided to argue our cases before Daddy.
Me: Tell Daddy you were crying.
Cami: Cry.
Daddy: Why did you cry?
Me: (prompting) What did you want?
Cami: Cereal!
Me: She wants cereal, but I told her she has to eat yogurt first.
Cami: No!
Me: See?
Daddy: Oh, Cami, you have to listen to your mommy. Are you hungry?
Cami: Hungry.
Daddy: Okay. Eat your yogurt and then you can have cereal.
Mommy and Cami went to the kitchen to try again...and, much to my dismay, there was an exact repeat of the first conversation.
----
Cami loooooooves yogurt. There was no reason to fight with me, except she wanted our morning to follow her terms. Toddlers are just beginning to understand their will is different from their parents'--and that's why power-struggles and temper-fits abound at this stage...
But, once again, when I watch my sweet, stubborn daughter as she grapples for control, I see a tiny version of myself...
All of us have authority figures over us, and the one I most commonly challenge is my husband. I could come up with a thousand reasons I shouldn't have to submit to his decisions. And I have been known to throw one ugly tantrum if he continues with his plan instead of mine.
Thankfully, my husband is learning to let me "go cry in my room," metaphorically speaking, when I get unreasonable. I cannot be in control all the time. It's good for all of us to learn that lesson.
My mother jokingly referred to me as a "mean Mommy" yesterday, when Cami had a melt-down over a sucker stick I threw away. We realize it's not really "mean" for an adult to assert themselves over an ignorant child. It's good for that kid to learn who's in charge...
----
The third time was a charm, and after about two hours of conflict, Cami announced, "Yogurt." I asked, "You're ready to eat the yogurt now?" and she said, "Eat it."
She did. Every bite.
I cheered and squeezed her and kissed her little face and said, "I'm very proud of you for making a good decision!...
...and NOW you can have cereal!"
While she was enjoying her corn puffs, she looked up at me, smiling, and said, "Good girl!"
How could I not tear up? Cami is actually a sinful girl, who wants to be in charge. But she's learning she can (and does) feel proud when she overcomes this to do good things.
----
Cami did NOT sleep long enough last night. And, when she flat refused to eat her yogurt at breakfast, I knew we were gearing for a long, stressful battle.
Cami: Cereal!
Me: You must eat your yogurt first.
(The yogurt already had her vitamin supplement mixed in.)
Cami: *Wailing* NO!!! Cereal!
Me: You can have cereal after the yogurt. But you eat this first. (*tries to offer a bite*)
Cami: *Big, fat tears* NO!!!
Me: Okay, no yogurt, no cereal.
(Cami becomes hysterical and starts screaming.)
Me: If you're going to scream, I have to put you back to bed. Do you want to go to bed?
Cami: NO!
Me: Then stop screaming...
(Cami stops for a couple seconds and then loses control again. Mommy tries to distract her with the choice to get down and play with toys, but Cami keeps saying "Cereal!")
Me: Okay, let's go cry in bed for a little while.
Cami spent about ten minutes crying in her room. When I got her out, she was more subdued. So we decided to argue our cases before Daddy.
Me: Tell Daddy you were crying.
Cami: Cry.
Daddy: Why did you cry?
Me: (prompting) What did you want?
Cami: Cereal!
Me: She wants cereal, but I told her she has to eat yogurt first.
Cami: No!
Me: See?
Daddy: Oh, Cami, you have to listen to your mommy. Are you hungry?
Cami: Hungry.
Daddy: Okay. Eat your yogurt and then you can have cereal.
Mommy and Cami went to the kitchen to try again...and, much to my dismay, there was an exact repeat of the first conversation.
----
Cami loooooooves yogurt. There was no reason to fight with me, except she wanted our morning to follow her terms. Toddlers are just beginning to understand their will is different from their parents'--and that's why power-struggles and temper-fits abound at this stage...
But, once again, when I watch my sweet, stubborn daughter as she grapples for control, I see a tiny version of myself...
All of us have authority figures over us, and the one I most commonly challenge is my husband. I could come up with a thousand reasons I shouldn't have to submit to his decisions. And I have been known to throw one ugly tantrum if he continues with his plan instead of mine.
Thankfully, my husband is learning to let me "go cry in my room," metaphorically speaking, when I get unreasonable. I cannot be in control all the time. It's good for all of us to learn that lesson.
My mother jokingly referred to me as a "mean Mommy" yesterday, when Cami had a melt-down over a sucker stick I threw away. We realize it's not really "mean" for an adult to assert themselves over an ignorant child. It's good for that kid to learn who's in charge...
----
The third time was a charm, and after about two hours of conflict, Cami announced, "Yogurt." I asked, "You're ready to eat the yogurt now?" and she said, "Eat it."
She did. Every bite.
I cheered and squeezed her and kissed her little face and said, "I'm very proud of you for making a good decision!...
...and NOW you can have cereal!"
While she was enjoying her corn puffs, she looked up at me, smiling, and said, "Good girl!"
How could I not tear up? Cami is actually a sinful girl, who wants to be in charge. But she's learning she can (and does) feel proud when she overcomes this to do good things.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Young People, Get Married ONLY if You're Crazy
Having just moved to a new city, I've lost track of how many contracts Luke and I have signed.
The bank, internet provider, electric company, and even the kid who installed our dishwasher all expect our name on the dotted line, as proof we will uphold our end of the bargain.
We've gotten good at navigating the fine print. If I stop paying my phone bill, I realize I'll be put in collections--and probably refused service in the future. But, if the phone company screws up and overcharges me, then I can demand a refund and switch providers, even though I agreed to my contract for a year. If they break the deal first, I'm not bound by it anymore.
Our justice system declares that the dirty, rotten, lying party must absorb the consequences, but the innocent party goes free. It's a fine system.
But, today, I want to remind the church that marriage is not a contract. And if you plan to attach exceptions and loopholes to your vows, please just don't get married.
-----
Marriage is a Covenant.
It is a pledge before loved ones and God Himself that you will be faithful to your spouse until death separates you. You will forsake all others, and the two of you will become ONE FLESH.
This seems straight-forward, blunt, and down-right scary...unless you've been reading Christian literature lately. Thankfully, modern pastors calm us down with the assurance: there are many ways to get out of your promise.
1. If you are physically/emotionally/verbally abused, you can seek a divorce.
2. If your spouse is unfaithful, you're free to go. (And, let's not forget Jesus says just looking at someone lustfully is akin to adultery.)
3. Finally, if your Life Partner is an unbeliever who walks away from you, then he/she stops being your Life Partner.
In these cases, one flesh becomes two again, I guess.
That's the Contract of Marriage, sold in today's Church, and it is sweet! The Church Marriage provides you with a teammate, love, guilt-free sex, and a clear conscience...plus NO RISK!
There's no reason to worry about whether the person you marry is solid and faithful. If he/she isn't, you're off the hook! Just pick another person, roll the dice, and try again.
I'm not sure why the disciples were horrified by Jesus' description of the union. When He explained God's intentions for marriage, they said "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry!" Actually, guys, it's not so bad. If your spouse messes up, the deal is off.
Easy.
----
Unfortunately, I didn't know about the Contract of Marriage when I wed my husband 4 1/2 years ago. Instead I stuck myself with a God-Witnessed Covenant.
Now it doesn't matter what Luke does, I must be faithful to him. That's what I promised.
If he renounces his faith and walks away, I'll be sad and lonely as a single woman. But I will be faithful to my word.
If he begins harming me physically, I will be shocked and devastated. (And I am free to separate myself from the situation.--1 Cor. 7:10,11) But I will not run to another man for comfort.
And even if Luke finds a younger, hotter woman--and leaves me in order to "marry" her--I will honor my vows. It won't matter that 90% of church leaders would encourage me to "move on" and find a new husband; nor would it matter that the laws of the land allow this. May God cut me in two before I violate His spiritual law of Covenants.
----
I ask you, unmarried readers, to consider carefully before "signing up" for a spouse. What happens to your soul is far more serious than an agreement filled with contingencies.
It cannot be undone.
Therefore, I ask that I be kept accountable, should the unthinkable happen and I find myself abandoned and hurting. I know my rationalization hamster would scurry to justify being selfish, especially since that selfishness would be encouraged by pastors and fellow Christians saying, "You deserve another shot. It's not your fault your ex-husband rebelled! Would God punish you for his sin? Luke broke the contract!"
But don't let me fall for that, dear reader.
I swear: I will not be romantically involved with another man unless Luke dies...exactly as I swore on June 14, 2008.
I know that's totally crazy. But I'm crazy-serious about Covenants.
And I implore you, young people, do not get married unless you are equally so.
----
This was posted after being read and approved by my Life Partner, Luke. :)
For an even more hard-hitting perspective, check out this blog.
For a very thorough examination on the Scriptures regarding divorce/remarriage, see Theologian John Piper's "position paper" here.
The bank, internet provider, electric company, and even the kid who installed our dishwasher all expect our name on the dotted line, as proof we will uphold our end of the bargain.
We've gotten good at navigating the fine print. If I stop paying my phone bill, I realize I'll be put in collections--and probably refused service in the future. But, if the phone company screws up and overcharges me, then I can demand a refund and switch providers, even though I agreed to my contract for a year. If they break the deal first, I'm not bound by it anymore.
Our justice system declares that the dirty, rotten, lying party must absorb the consequences, but the innocent party goes free. It's a fine system.
But, today, I want to remind the church that marriage is not a contract. And if you plan to attach exceptions and loopholes to your vows, please just don't get married.
-----
Marriage is a Covenant.
It is a pledge before loved ones and God Himself that you will be faithful to your spouse until death separates you. You will forsake all others, and the two of you will become ONE FLESH.
This seems straight-forward, blunt, and down-right scary...unless you've been reading Christian literature lately. Thankfully, modern pastors calm us down with the assurance: there are many ways to get out of your promise.
1. If you are physically/emotionally/verbally abused, you can seek a divorce.
2. If your spouse is unfaithful, you're free to go. (And, let's not forget Jesus says just looking at someone lustfully is akin to adultery.)
3. Finally, if your Life Partner is an unbeliever who walks away from you, then he/she stops being your Life Partner.
In these cases, one flesh becomes two again, I guess.
That's the Contract of Marriage, sold in today's Church, and it is sweet! The Church Marriage provides you with a teammate, love, guilt-free sex, and a clear conscience...plus NO RISK!
There's no reason to worry about whether the person you marry is solid and faithful. If he/she isn't, you're off the hook! Just pick another person, roll the dice, and try again.
I'm not sure why the disciples were horrified by Jesus' description of the union. When He explained God's intentions for marriage, they said "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry!" Actually, guys, it's not so bad. If your spouse messes up, the deal is off.
Easy.
----
Unfortunately, I didn't know about the Contract of Marriage when I wed my husband 4 1/2 years ago. Instead I stuck myself with a God-Witnessed Covenant.
Now it doesn't matter what Luke does, I must be faithful to him. That's what I promised.
If he renounces his faith and walks away, I'll be sad and lonely as a single woman. But I will be faithful to my word.
If he begins harming me physically, I will be shocked and devastated. (And I am free to separate myself from the situation.--1 Cor. 7:10,11) But I will not run to another man for comfort.
And even if Luke finds a younger, hotter woman--and leaves me in order to "marry" her--I will honor my vows. It won't matter that 90% of church leaders would encourage me to "move on" and find a new husband; nor would it matter that the laws of the land allow this. May God cut me in two before I violate His spiritual law of Covenants.
----
I ask you, unmarried readers, to consider carefully before "signing up" for a spouse. What happens to your soul is far more serious than an agreement filled with contingencies.
It cannot be undone.
Therefore, I ask that I be kept accountable, should the unthinkable happen and I find myself abandoned and hurting. I know my rationalization hamster would scurry to justify being selfish, especially since that selfishness would be encouraged by pastors and fellow Christians saying, "You deserve another shot. It's not your fault your ex-husband rebelled! Would God punish you for his sin? Luke broke the contract!"
But don't let me fall for that, dear reader.
I swear: I will not be romantically involved with another man unless Luke dies...exactly as I swore on June 14, 2008.
I know that's totally crazy. But I'm crazy-serious about Covenants.
And I implore you, young people, do not get married unless you are equally so.
----
This was posted after being read and approved by my Life Partner, Luke. :)
For an even more hard-hitting perspective, check out this blog.
For a very thorough examination on the Scriptures regarding divorce/remarriage, see Theologian John Piper's "position paper" here.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
S.S. Enlightenment
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I'm a big fan of Athol Kay's Captain/First-Officer model to explain the roles of husband and wife in a Christian marriage. (Language Warning: the post contains the S-word, "submission"...and a couple truly "colorful" expressions.)
Today, I thought it would be fun to imagine an aircraft being flown by a more "progressive" (egalitarian) flight crew...
-----
(We are aboard S.S. Enlightenment, a starship located somewhere in the Whirlpool Galaxy and cruising at just under 3 light-years per hour...)
Captain: Check fuel pressure, please.
First-Officer: (quick sigh) Yes, sir.
Captain: In five minutes, we will reduce speed to Idle, and then have Maintenance double-check our thrusters are clear before going into Warp.
First-Officer: This would be a triple-check, sir. (rolling eyes)
Captain: Is that so? Something tells me you're unhappy about that...
First-Officer: With permission to speak freely, sir, reducing to Idle adds 4 hours to our trip. And we've already been put behind schedule after stopping in Andromeda to take pictures of the billboard.
Captain: (chuckles to self) "Rent this space."
First-Officer: (dead pan) Hilarious. But, you are aware we will be turned away from the docking bay if we don't make it to base on time.
Captain: I am also aware we will not make it to base at all, if space particles clog our thrusters and the entire ship goes down in flames... Thank you for weighing in, co-Pilot, but I would rather be safe than sorry.
First-Officer: Okay...but. Um...
Captain: Is there something else?
First-Officer: (trying for delicacy) It's just, well...you did it again.
Captain: Did what?
First-Officer: You asked for my input and then totally disregarded it. Plus, you referred to my lesser-rank. That's a shame technique, I think.
Captain: Sincere apologies, co-Pi--er--I mean, Other Captain. Like I've told you before, your presence is valuable...and I'd hate to make you feel less powerful than I am.
First-Officer: You say that. But your actions speak louder than words. When it comes to how you run this ship, it's like my feelings don't matter.
(looooong pause)
Captain: ....Oh, uh, my turn again. Well, if I've done something to upset you, I truly am sorry. And even though I don't always remember to thank you, it's a real privilege to sail the Cosmos with you.
First-Officer: I appreciate that, sir.
Captain: I mean it! You're making me a better Captain, by showing me how to be nice. Anytime you want to discuss your feelings, just let me know.
First-Officer: Aw, shucks, sir.
Captain: Now, I believe our 5-minutes are almost up. So if you would kindly begin initiating speed reduction--
First-Officer: Say WHAT?! You literally just finished saying you are sorry for upsetting me. And now you're going to continue with the plan I said I didn't like?! That's exactly what I'm talking about--treating me like I'm worthless!
Captain: Sometimes I take your advice, Other Pilot. But I've been given command, and it's difficult to do my job when I have to justify every decision I make.
First-Officer: You're not in the team mindset, Captain. You act like a solo-rider on a one-man vessel sometimes. But, when you work on a ship with a crew, you have to value their input... you have to talk and talk and talk and talk until everybody agrees on the strategy, and then everyone can tackle problems together. There is unity and nobody feels inferior.
Captain: (scratches head) I guess I see what you're saying. My only question is...why call me Captain if I don't make any calls?
First-Officer: Again, thinking of yourself... It's not true leadership to flaunt titles and demand authority. Good leaders make plans that other people want to follow. And, right now, I don't want to follow your plan.
(One of the crewmen notices a red light flashing)
Captain: Boy, when I stop and think about how much I've expected trust and loyalty...it's kind of embarrassing! I think you're right, Other Captain. I need to earn the respect of my crew. And since that won't be accomplished through a display of competency, like I once thought, I'm going to be a good leader by letting a more qualified person handle it.
First-Officer: (startled) Wait. No, you can't mean--
Captain: That's right, co-Pilot.There is no one I trust more than you to steer the ship in my absence.
(Smoke has begun rising from a control board. Crewmen are punching buttons, scurrying for water, and trying to get the attention of the quarreling pilots.)
First-Officer: But you're not absent, sir! The Command Post appointed you Captain, and I would never dream of usurping that power...
Captain: Nonsense. Command has always said we're equally smart and equally valuable in our roles on this ship. (walking away) So why don't you take the wheel?
First-Officer: (spinning between desperation and anger) But...but...but, you can't abandon me this way!
Captain: If you need me, I'll be in my cabin, beating my Pong score.
(The ship shakes and cracks. Two, female crew members watch the Captain walk out the door and begin whispering to each other.)
First-Officer: (to the females) See? I TOLD you he was lazy! (continues muttering to self) And how am I supposed to lead when he's left the ship in such bad shape?...
(The door closes, but the First-Officer gives the Captain one last piece of her mind.)
First-Officer: You're supposed to lead!!!! ...Just do it like I would!!!!!!
----
For more on the topic of power-hungry church ladies, see today's post on The Woman and the Dragon. The story is satirical (yay!), but the author swears the part about the Ladies' Bible Study is totally true...
Today, I thought it would be fun to imagine an aircraft being flown by a more "progressive" (egalitarian) flight crew...
-----
(We are aboard S.S. Enlightenment, a starship located somewhere in the Whirlpool Galaxy and cruising at just under 3 light-years per hour...)
Captain: Check fuel pressure, please.
First-Officer: (quick sigh) Yes, sir.
Captain: In five minutes, we will reduce speed to Idle, and then have Maintenance double-check our thrusters are clear before going into Warp.
First-Officer: This would be a triple-check, sir. (rolling eyes)
Captain: Is that so? Something tells me you're unhappy about that...
First-Officer: With permission to speak freely, sir, reducing to Idle adds 4 hours to our trip. And we've already been put behind schedule after stopping in Andromeda to take pictures of the billboard.
Captain: (chuckles to self) "Rent this space."
First-Officer: (dead pan) Hilarious. But, you are aware we will be turned away from the docking bay if we don't make it to base on time.
Captain: I am also aware we will not make it to base at all, if space particles clog our thrusters and the entire ship goes down in flames... Thank you for weighing in, co-Pilot, but I would rather be safe than sorry.
First-Officer: Okay...but. Um...
Captain: Is there something else?
First-Officer: (trying for delicacy) It's just, well...you did it again.
Captain: Did what?
First-Officer: You asked for my input and then totally disregarded it. Plus, you referred to my lesser-rank. That's a shame technique, I think.
Captain: Sincere apologies, co-Pi--er--I mean, Other Captain. Like I've told you before, your presence is valuable...and I'd hate to make you feel less powerful than I am.
First-Officer: You say that. But your actions speak louder than words. When it comes to how you run this ship, it's like my feelings don't matter.
(looooong pause)
Captain: ....Oh, uh, my turn again. Well, if I've done something to upset you, I truly am sorry. And even though I don't always remember to thank you, it's a real privilege to sail the Cosmos with you.
First-Officer: I appreciate that, sir.
Captain: I mean it! You're making me a better Captain, by showing me how to be nice. Anytime you want to discuss your feelings, just let me know.
First-Officer: Aw, shucks, sir.
Captain: Now, I believe our 5-minutes are almost up. So if you would kindly begin initiating speed reduction--
First-Officer: Say WHAT?! You literally just finished saying you are sorry for upsetting me. And now you're going to continue with the plan I said I didn't like?! That's exactly what I'm talking about--treating me like I'm worthless!
Captain: Sometimes I take your advice, Other Pilot. But I've been given command, and it's difficult to do my job when I have to justify every decision I make.
First-Officer: You're not in the team mindset, Captain. You act like a solo-rider on a one-man vessel sometimes. But, when you work on a ship with a crew, you have to value their input... you have to talk and talk and talk and talk until everybody agrees on the strategy, and then everyone can tackle problems together. There is unity and nobody feels inferior.
Captain: (scratches head) I guess I see what you're saying. My only question is...why call me Captain if I don't make any calls?
First-Officer: Again, thinking of yourself... It's not true leadership to flaunt titles and demand authority. Good leaders make plans that other people want to follow. And, right now, I don't want to follow your plan.
(One of the crewmen notices a red light flashing)
Captain: Boy, when I stop and think about how much I've expected trust and loyalty...it's kind of embarrassing! I think you're right, Other Captain. I need to earn the respect of my crew. And since that won't be accomplished through a display of competency, like I once thought, I'm going to be a good leader by letting a more qualified person handle it.
First-Officer: (startled) Wait. No, you can't mean--
Captain: That's right, co-Pilot.There is no one I trust more than you to steer the ship in my absence.
(Smoke has begun rising from a control board. Crewmen are punching buttons, scurrying for water, and trying to get the attention of the quarreling pilots.)
First-Officer: But you're not absent, sir! The Command Post appointed you Captain, and I would never dream of usurping that power...
Captain: Nonsense. Command has always said we're equally smart and equally valuable in our roles on this ship. (walking away) So why don't you take the wheel?
First-Officer: (spinning between desperation and anger) But...but...but, you can't abandon me this way!
Captain: If you need me, I'll be in my cabin, beating my Pong score.
(The ship shakes and cracks. Two, female crew members watch the Captain walk out the door and begin whispering to each other.)
First-Officer: (to the females) See? I TOLD you he was lazy! (continues muttering to self) And how am I supposed to lead when he's left the ship in such bad shape?...
(The door closes, but the First-Officer gives the Captain one last piece of her mind.)
First-Officer: You're supposed to lead!!!! ...Just do it like I would!!!!!!
----
For more on the topic of power-hungry church ladies, see today's post on The Woman and the Dragon. The story is satirical (yay!), but the author swears the part about the Ladies' Bible Study is totally true...
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Manosphere
Essentially, there is no reason for me to post here ever again, because I've found another blogger who coherently says everything I've ever tried to express about biblical marriage, dominance/submission, Feminism (blech!), and our wayward, selfish culture. The author is a member of the manosphere--and since I doubt you are familiar with the term, I encourage you to keep reading.
Long-time readers know I've ranted on a wide array of topics, from the tragedy of modern marriage to the evil S-word, Submission. From the thinly veiled insecurity of "comedian" Tina Fey, to the self-worship promoted by Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert. From the importance of a father, to the necessity of sacrificial motherhood (and here), to the irritating celebration of out-of-wedlock births... and, all along, even I didn't know these things had something in common (besides calling out human selfishness).
All along, I belonged in the manosphere...
------
"Since the advent of the internet thousands of men have compared notes, shared stories, and made various philosophical, political, economic, and even scientific observations, resulting in the millions of pages of wisdom that compose The Manosphere today. These millions of pages are slowly coalescing into theories, laws, and rules that make for an entertaining social 'science.' But most importantly this body of work has provided...an explanation as to what has happened to society since the feminist revolution of the 70's..."
"There is no core or nucleus to The Manosphere...nor is there any "mission statement." The blogs that compose that Manosphere range quite widely, including women authors...However, they all have one thing in common - they are here to help...by exposing the lies foisted upon you, me and everybody else for the past 50 years--primarily by feminists--about how men and women 'should be' instead of accepting how we actually are." --Captain Capitalism, manosphere blogger.
Now, pause for a warning. Much of the social/scientific theories being explored in the Manosphere are rooted in evolutionary biology--so, it's a "secular" movement. Many of the bloggers are vocal Atheists--and their language and subject matter is anything but holy.
But any Christian who truly recognizes the Shepherd's voice can't help but notice key places where manosphere bloggers have stumbled upon overarching Truth.
As Captain Capitalism says: "You will see a lot of anger, crass language, cursing, and vulgarity. However, The Manosphere doesn't care about your feelings, your political motivations, your ulterior motives, or maintaining a status quo. We are just concerned about one thing: Truth."
Some bloggers will say "evolution has given men/women very different roles." I say God did it. But, once you get passed that little discrepancy, the observations about gender roles, sex, parenting, and our messed-up society are pretty spot-on.
Who would think evolutionary psychologists and traditional Christians could find so much worldview overlap?
----
Anyway, if you're interested in "taking the Red Pill" and diving into the Manosphere, start with this link. And read the comments at the bottom. (That's how ideas get advanced in the 'sphere.) Several Christians explain how Post-Feminist principles have encouraged their faith.
Then, move to the blog I mentioned in the first paragraph: The Woman and the Dragon. It belongs to a married, Christian woman, who explains why it's not a sin for Christians to employ this tool, though it was developed by evolutionists... (Note: Sunshinemary now blogs at THIS address.)
Dalrock, a married, Christian man, wrote an excellent post along those lines here: Why Christians Need Game.
Finally, check out Athol Kay's blog, if you don't mind that the language gets rough, especially in the comments. He's one of the leading voices on "married game," but He isn't a Christian. For that reason, it's interesting how perfectly his "Captain/First-Officer" model describes biblical marriage.
Long-time readers know I've ranted on a wide array of topics, from the tragedy of modern marriage to the evil S-word, Submission. From the thinly veiled insecurity of "comedian" Tina Fey, to the self-worship promoted by Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert. From the importance of a father, to the necessity of sacrificial motherhood (and here), to the irritating celebration of out-of-wedlock births... and, all along, even I didn't know these things had something in common (besides calling out human selfishness).
All along, I belonged in the manosphere...
------
"Since the advent of the internet thousands of men have compared notes, shared stories, and made various philosophical, political, economic, and even scientific observations, resulting in the millions of pages of wisdom that compose The Manosphere today. These millions of pages are slowly coalescing into theories, laws, and rules that make for an entertaining social 'science.' But most importantly this body of work has provided...an explanation as to what has happened to society since the feminist revolution of the 70's..."
"There is no core or nucleus to The Manosphere...nor is there any "mission statement." The blogs that compose that Manosphere range quite widely, including women authors...However, they all have one thing in common - they are here to help...by exposing the lies foisted upon you, me and everybody else for the past 50 years--primarily by feminists--about how men and women 'should be' instead of accepting how we actually are." --Captain Capitalism, manosphere blogger.
Now, pause for a warning. Much of the social/scientific theories being explored in the Manosphere are rooted in evolutionary biology--so, it's a "secular" movement. Many of the bloggers are vocal Atheists--and their language and subject matter is anything but holy.
But any Christian who truly recognizes the Shepherd's voice can't help but notice key places where manosphere bloggers have stumbled upon overarching Truth.
As Captain Capitalism says: "You will see a lot of anger, crass language, cursing, and vulgarity. However, The Manosphere doesn't care about your feelings, your political motivations, your ulterior motives, or maintaining a status quo. We are just concerned about one thing: Truth."
Some bloggers will say "evolution has given men/women very different roles." I say God did it. But, once you get passed that little discrepancy, the observations about gender roles, sex, parenting, and our messed-up society are pretty spot-on.
Who would think evolutionary psychologists and traditional Christians could find so much worldview overlap?
----
Anyway, if you're interested in "taking the Red Pill" and diving into the Manosphere, start with this link. And read the comments at the bottom. (That's how ideas get advanced in the 'sphere.) Several Christians explain how Post-Feminist principles have encouraged their faith.
Then, move to the blog I mentioned in the first paragraph: The Woman and the Dragon. It belongs to a married, Christian woman, who explains why it's not a sin for Christians to employ this tool, though it was developed by evolutionists... (Note: Sunshinemary now blogs at THIS address.)
Dalrock, a married, Christian man, wrote an excellent post along those lines here: Why Christians Need Game.
Finally, check out Athol Kay's blog, if you don't mind that the language gets rough, especially in the comments. He's one of the leading voices on "married game," but He isn't a Christian. For that reason, it's interesting how perfectly his "Captain/First-Officer" model describes biblical marriage.
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