Another unmarried friend announced her pregnancy recently. And she received the typical slew of congratulations, just as they all do. But I make it a point never to congratulate the girl on THIS side of the baby's arrival, because I know what is waiting for her in the near future. Give it a year and her Facebook status will read, "Why are men such immature pigs? That's okay, Little One. We don't need your daddy in our lives. I'm a strong, independent woman....blah blah blah."
And I feel so badly for the child, who does have a selfish and immature father....and a selfish, immature mother to match.
Sorry, but the act of getting pregnant does not make you a grown-up. And simply "staying in the child's life" doesn't qualify you as the mature one, either. Young girls who allow young boys access to their pants are just as guilty when the whole situation crumbles, and I will not join in the celebrations and congratulations when it all begins.
There is some talk among church members about the proper way to handle the unwed mother issue. And most arrive at the conclusion that the Christian thing to do is open our arms and show them the love of Christ instead of passing judgement. The argument is that it's "Not the baby's fault" and "Jesus would love her regardless." These things are true, and I'm too big a fan of love to disagree completely.
BUT, this philosophy has become so distorted that we no longer call "sin" what it is, and I was even tempted to water down this post. I actually worried I might offend someone with the truth, and I NEVER thought I'd shy away from that. Yes, Jesus loved. But He also told it like it is.
I'm heart-broken over this problem especially due to the alarming number of children from single-parent homes who are part of my classroom. The truth is that being without a father messes kids up. It may be reparable. Those kids may come to enjoy a great relationship with their Heavenly Father some day. Or they may appear on a daytime talk show spouting about the way they overcame great obstacles and how wonderful their mother is for holding down three jobs and playing the role of both Mommy and Daddy, etc. etc.
But it still makes me sick because I know this isn't what God had in mind when he designed family. I can't be happy for the baby, when I know that in 5 or 6 years, the kid will go to school not knowing how to communicate with peers and share toys because Mom and Dad call each other names and can't figure out how to "share" the job of raising a child. I refuse to glorify the brand of single-parenthood spreading like a fungus among my aquaintances--the kind not brought on by a tragic death or uninvited sexual violation--but by selfishness.
If you moved in with your boyfriend or girlfriend and had sex (unprotected) because it felt good, then that was selfish. If you played house and decided to bring a child into an unstable environment, without the commitment, then you were selfish. And if you decided to end the relationship with the baby's father/mother because it was easier than being patient and kind and generally loving, then you are selfish.
....now for the silver lining: Redemption is possible. You don't have to go through one nasty breakup after another--having children with multiple partners, working multiple jobs, and wasting multiple years wondering why you're still not happy. God is ready to help you grow up. But it won't always feel good.
Not nearly as good as when all of your friends shower you with gifts and shout "congratulations."
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