Cleaning Out My Closet

My sister is cleaning out her room this week. In interest of describing how badly it needed done, let me just say we shared the room more than five years ago--and she called me to ask if I could come and sort through the bags of things that were mine once. And, in order to get to the bags of my stuff, I had to step over bags of laundry, bags of trash, and bags of things to be donated....

So, since I was promised pizza in return for claiming some of the junk, Luke and I drove to Kokomo yesterday for a visit and a trip down memory lane with various things I had to decide whether to keep or pitch.

There were old SAT scores, yearbooks, and memorabilia from my first missions trip to Mexico, all of which I brought back home with me. And, I discovered countless bottles of glittery, fruit-scented body spray left from my middle school sparkle phase (and which I decided to continue living without).

My sis also found (and, of course, read through) the diary I kept as an 11-year-old, and I would LOVE to find a way to incorporate some of those pieces of literary genius in this blog at some point. It's too melodramatic and hormone-charged not to share with the world in the near future.

But, one of my FAVORITE treasures was the turtle collection I almost had forgotten about, including three keepsakes Luke bought for me on a trip to St. John's only months after we started dating:

AND, the turtle he made for me in art class shortly thereafter:

AND, the turtle which my then-5-year-old brother, Andrew, made upon admiring the collection from my boyfriend and deciding it still was incomplete:

HAHA! I LOVE this turtle! It may not look much like the one Luke made, but I think it resembles Squirtle from Pokemon:

Anyway, after I sifted through my old homework folders, half-used chapsticks, and the impression of my teeth used to make my retainer in 2004, I stumbled on a list of "goals" I made myself several years ago. I didn't write the date on it, but it's at least 4 years old, and may be even older... Here's what it said:

If you've read any of my previous entries, especially the ones talking directly about the importance of service, you know how closely my current goals still reflect what is written on this list (putting God and others first, especially.) But it's interesting to me because I don't even remember writing those goals, and I didn't realize just how long God has been burdening me with the idea of selflessness. Even the goal about "not sweating small stuff" comes from the problem I have of obsessing over the things I want, when I try to control of every, tiny detail of my life. When my "self" doesn't get the control it wants, I tend to "sweat."

Could it be God hasn't changed His mind about my purpose in all the years He has been speaking?

Sometimes I get goosebumps thinking about how long He has been planning my life, and how He cultivated interests, talents, and even certain topics of conviction in my head over time. There are noticeable patterns, which convince me even further that turning my selfishness into service is an important, noble, God-given goal.

(Note: other desires I had, according to my diary and which God has been priviledged to grant me, included a bedtime later than 8:00pm and to level-up in MarioKart... Also, I would have DIED for my own boy to kiss--and I have one of those now, too!)