The Service of "Sorry"

There are Theologians who teach it's possible to achieve a state of sinlessness. (Some even say Christians MUST stop sinning completely in order to be truly saved.) They teach that Christ's death on the cross defeated sin, and gave us the power to live totally, literally pure lives.

Luke and I had been dating only 5 or 6 months when we had our first, tear-streaked argument over that very suggestion. Luke's grandfather gave him a book by Charles Capps, in which I believe Capps mentions the exact date of the last time he sinned...? Or he at least he gave the number of years it had been. And I had a MAJOR problem with that.

Unfortunately, as our conversation wore on, I discovered I didn't have a very solid explanation for why I disagreed with Capps (since the opposite conclusion seems to be saying, "We HAVE to sin.") Thus, our discussion turned emotional rather than factual, and to this day, I'm still not happy with my understanding of the matter. Is it possible to overcome sin on this side of Heaven? (Feel free to comment with your own views.)

But I DO believe the Bible places an awful lot of importance on confession and repentence for sin to be a thing of the past.

God spells out steps for reconciliation in Matthew. He tells us to confess our sins to one another in James. And he assures us over and over again that He will forgive our transgressions when we ask Him. These things seem to suggest we are bound to make bad decisions once in awhile. And we should prepare to be honest about it.

So here it is:
*I'm sorry I was short-tempered during rest time at the daycare, when the kids weren't lying still.

*I'm sorry I swore under my breath when I was arguing with a strong-willed boy, my hair was falling out of the pony-tail, and the stuff I had put away in the closet fell in a heap on the floor.

*I'm sorry I was nasty to Luke this morning, when I came home and found him still in bed. I think I even called him "lazy."

*And mostly, I'm sorry because I know that my attitude is such even at this moment that I would do all of those things again. I want to justify all of those things with the fact that I'm fatigued and over-worked and beginning my least-favorite-week-of-the-month. And it will be hard not to mutter negatively or snip at Luke even right after I hit "post." ...I'm sorry.

....This is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Ahhhhh. The freedom which comes from confession is glorious." But, the truth is, I don't feel better yet. I'm still distracted by the thought of the dishes and the vacuuming, the fact that I haven't been sleeping well, and the gnawing pain in my lower abdomen thanks to Mother Nature. Plus, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, when I have to get back on the battle field and keep from sinning in those SAME situations.

I'm cranky.

But please be proud of me, Lord Jesus, for recognizing my short comings and laying them at your feet. I'm in a bad place, where my actions produce a lot to be sorry for. But remember it no more.