Some of you may remember that on July 22nd of last year, I stated I've never read the Bible straight through. That day, I began a 360-day reading plan in order to fix that situation....whiiiiiiiich means I am less than a month away from completing my goal. Admittedly, I didn't always read EVERY DAY, like I was supposed to. But, I managed to keep plugging away and remain on target to finish on time. It feels really good to keep a resolution for once.
On the other hand, the day after I wrote that post, I wrote about my desire to find a mentor and make more friends in general. This is a goal I have NOT kept. And--a year later--I'm still praying for more chances for fellowship. In fact, now that I'm home with the baby 24/7, I'm even more aware of my social deprivation! Man, it is so hard to develop friendships outside of college.
The GOOD news is, God has begun to work out a few of the issues standing in my way a year ago. (Follow the link to read specifics!) I wrote I'm highly critical of people and often dismiss the possibility of a relationship before one even has the chance to form. I have unrealistically high expectations of people. And, I didn't feel I had much in common with the acquaintances I already had.
Thankfully, rather than continuing to be critical and hard-to-please, I think I'm finally concentrating on the positive things in life, starting with the small things. This is thanks to a small, diaper-wearing "thing," which has taught me to appreciate each moment. She's growing FAST, and I can't afford to waste time being negative. I can't afford to measure each minute against my perfectionist standard, when it means ignoring the potential for JOY those minutes offer. I've committed to seeking out the good things, and that goes for when I'm forming opinions of other people, too.
Also, I'm finally realizing that whether I think I have something "in common" with another person is a moot point. And, really, I'll never know how similar I am to another until I start investing in a relationship in the first place. When it comes down to it, my REAL hang-up has little to do with whether a person is "right" or "wrong" as a companion--and it has everything to do with an aversion for how much work it will take to find out! Getting to know someone is hard, and I think I'm just lazy...
I've always been that way. I distinctly remember a conversation with Luke when we had been dating about 4-5 months, in which I started crying over how difficult intimacy was. I told him: "I want to be known soooooo badly. I want you to understand the REAL me--not just the me I show to the world. But...but...we have to spend time together for years before that will happen."
It sounds like a "duh" kind of statement, but I was standing at the starting line with a boy who--at the time--wasn't much more than a total stranger, and the task seemed daunting. I honestly couldn't imagine being known by him the way I desired. Now that no one knows me better, I realize it just takes time and effort. All relationships take time and effort.
So, I think I'm ready to get on the starting line with a few people and start working toward friendships. I've already made the first step, since Luke and I bought a few board games and I've promised myself actively to seek out time for fellowship. Also, I'm planning to send a message to all of my Facebook friends from Fort Wayne letting them know the McKinney's are interested in hanging out as well as asking about small groups in the area. (Fort Wayne friends: you have been warned.)
Am I being too forward? I hope not. Is there potential to make some people, including me, feel a bit awkward? Possibly. But, it couldn't be more awkward than CRYING in front of your new boyfriend because you "have to" work on the relationship, right? And, of course, my good friends will discover I'm awkward at times anyway. It's part of the "real me"--which I usually try desperately to hide from the world.
For these reasons, I'm done analyzing how people might respond to my new quest. Now that my Bible reading goal is almost complete, I'm in the market for a new mission. I want community, and I'm ready to take chances...
So....how about you? Want to be my friend? :)
You and I are in the same place Amanda! Unfortunately, I live in Muncie so that makes things difficult. It is extremely hard to make friends outside of college or even in college when you're married. I look forward to the day when we move back to Fort Wayne but until then I would love to get together with you sometime during the week or on the weekend. My husband is a pastor at a church in FW so we're there every weekend and some Wednesdays.
ReplyDeleteim totally your friend! ive been sold since i met you! remember i came on so strongly that i just wanted to be friends with you and lauren? and it was mistakened that i had feelings for lauren which i really didnt? You and I are alot alike you want to be known i desire so much to have deep connections with people because i have a passion for them and I want to connect alot with people often to the point of scaring people sometimes lying which in counseling i i figured out if i am just ME everything else comes from God. Anyway where friends and I will visit sometime and will connect :D you have so much of life ahead of you! 23?! i thought you where 24 or 22! man i feel like the old geizure :P im a highly qualified canidate and I love babies so you win
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved to Chicago I had high hopes for my new life. A year later, I was desperately lonely because I hadn't been able to make any real friends yet (I really liked my coworkers, but they all tended to leave work at work, and my private lifestyle was pretty different from theirs, so hanging outside of work wasn't really an option).
ReplyDeleteDusty isn't very social, and he didn't really want to join a couple's small group, but he came with me because I *needed* some human interaction. The first time we went I ended up sobbing (not just crying) during prayer because I was just so dang lonely for friends! So, you're not the only one who's enacted embarrassing behavior in front of strangers. ;)
By the time we left for Japan a year after that, I had become good friends with the ladies in that small group. I still miss them a lot (especially since most of them are not very or at all active on Facebook).
And now, almost a year after having moved to Japan, I'm finding myself longing for friends again. I don't feel quite as desperate as before since our workplace (a Christian school we live literally next door to) has provided a sense of community for us, but I don't have a friend to gab with, you know? There are other people our age here, but we're the only couple among them (I don't mind, but they've made a few comments occasionally). And now that our baby is due in a month, I'm wondering how isolated I'm going to feel after he gets here.
I definitely empathize with your situation.
Lindsay: I'm trying to get people to our house this coming Wednesday evening (July 6th), to play games. If you guys are available, let me know! But that's just the first of many upcoming attempts to connect... Hopefully we'll find a day that works if that one doesn't. And, yes, I look forward to having you in the city more permanently!
ReplyDeleteJeremy: You made me laugh, as usual. Give us a heads up before your next trip to Indiana.
April: It's nice to know others have experienced this, too. I'll be honest with you, there's a chance the hormones associated with your baby's birth will throw you for a loop and make you feel even MORE isolated than you otherwise would... But, it should straighten out with time, and I'm glad to know you have a community-setting close by. If you DO feel lonely or depressed in the beginning, don't hesitate to contact me. As you know, from reading these posts, I can sympathize with THAT, too!