It's official: I have a mild case of gift-envy. To you natural encouragers...you friendly optimists...you tender compassion-feelers... I wish it came easier to me.
A few days ago, I realized I'm fulfilling prophecy and obeying Christ when people insult me due to my faith. And, when my dad and husband both remarked that I'm a "gifted" communicator, using my "talents" to shine a little light on the world, I felt a surge of pride. God says each of us was created with a purpose, so discovering part of mine is exciting.
Exciting, at least, until I think too much about other people's talents, and how theirs seem to come with "perks" mine do not. For example, everybody loves my husband, who is a God-equipped listener and gift-giver. He can take a thoughtful little trinket, and make even the most insecure person feel important. He enjoys treating people. He's good at responding to needs. And who wouldn't want to hang out with him as much as possible?
Then I think of a dear friend, who is a self-proclaimed "conflict-avoider." She just wants everybody to be happy, and she'll do anything to keep the boat from rocking. Like my husband, this girl is impossible to dislike--because she is always ready-to-agree. I'm convinced, the ease with which she "lives at peace with everyone" comes from God.
[Enter pouty, devil-on-shoulder] And how do many people respond to someone like me, who habitually speaks the Truth in an unapologetic fashion? Well, 2 Corinthians says prophets "smell like life" to somebody who is saved--but I "smell like death" to somebody who is perishing.
If my gift is pointing out where the lost (or backsliding Christians) have missed the mark, that means I STINK!
The stuff I talk about incessantly gets fairly gritty and personal. I imagine most people can only handle me in small doses--and that's difficult to accept without envying the friendliness and compassion that comes naturally to others. I don't have a knack for making people feel warm and fuzzy. I'm driven to hammer on about responsibility, consequences, obedience, etc. etc.
I mean, it's fulfilling work on one level, because I've been called to do it. I'm equally unhappy when I'm NOT writing about selfishness and service as when I realize it may leave me pretty unpopular. Conviction flows from me as easily as sweetness radiates from my husband.
But, sometimes challenging others with a well-turned phrase really stinks...
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Addendum: I'd hate to ruin a perfectly good rant, but I feel I need a disclaimer to explain that this is just a rant. I'm absolutely whining and questioning things over which I have no control, just because I'm in a feel-sorry-for-myself kind of mood. Please don't be offended by it because--unlike in other posts--I'm not trying to make anyone change behaviors and feel conviction about some deep spiritual truth. I'm just jealous, and I'll get over it. :)
Addendum #2: I explained my theory about how "I stink" to Luke, and he said something along the lines of, "I'm proud of you, and you're doing a good job, and you're the queen of the world." Okay, that's not a direct quote, but my point is, who doesn't want to hang out with this guy?! HE SMELLS GREAT!
While I agree that bluntness (courage, conviction, etc) can be a gift, I also think it's very possible to improve on empathy. I wonder if your bluntness would be more effective if it were matched with empathy. You may be speaking what you feel to be the Truth, but a little compassion can go a long way in creating the rapport for someone to actually listen to you. It may not come naturally, but its a good skill, and one you might find comes more naturally as you practice it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a two-way street. Your friend the peace-maker may not feel as peaceful inside as she appears. She might not be open about her inner turmoil because it makes her uncomfortable. She may struggle with her need to speak her mind, but quiets herself out of habit or fear. She might actually feel more truly at peace if she were able to assert herself. (This is entirely hypothetical. I am just demonstrating that even "good" traits in excess are often not ideal.)
I think we all have things we struggle with, and usually a little balance is key. It can be a huge challenge. Maybe God is challenging you to challenge yourself in this area.
I definitely agree I need to practice more empathy, and that this is God's challenge for me. But, that's the whole reason for my pout-fest! (*Returns to whining*) It's so haaaaaaaaaaard! :)
DeleteI also wrestle with the fact that different people are "offended" by different things, and it's hard to know how much I should censor myself when--sometimes--there is absolutely no way to appease a person.
(http://selfishintoservice.blogspot.com/2012/01/service-of-censorship.html)
Also, my logic-driven brain feels it's almost *tricky* to be kind and sweet as a means to get people to listen. (It reminds me of a slick politician's butt-kissing technique.) I don't want people to feel like I brainwashed them into agreeing with me. I would like to find common ground based on *facts.* (http://selfishintoservice.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-love-feels-like-trick.html
But, again, you're totally right. In the end, I only have control over my own thoughts and actions. Which means I need to work on those areas where I'm weak. Thanks for reading!
I agree completely that the empathy must be genuine! That's why it can be so difficult :)
DeleteI think this is a great example of why humility and empathy are much more effective when paired with a strong opinion:
ReplyDeletehttp://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/28/my-take-dont-blame-college-for-young-people-leaving-christianity/
Often, strong opinions are interpreted (right or wrong) with hypocrisy, because constantly pointing out the flaws of others leaves little time for self-reflection.
I'm having a hard time keeping my "Anonymous" posters straight. If you aren't the same person who posted above I'd ask you to read my reply to him/her. I think it applies nicely to your comment...
DeleteAnd thanks for the article!
Amanda....I have to agree with the opinion that strong statements are required at certain times - no matter what some people may want to hear. Life gives us the opportunities to share our thoughts with anyone who will listen. The operative term is "the people who will listen" - I say things and then wonder (later on) if people really understand why I said what I did. God gave us two ears and one mouth...use them wisely.
ReplyDelete