It's 12:35am, and I can't sleep.
My husband asked me why and then offered the usual, "Is there anything I can do to help?" But, when you can't answer the first question, the second is impossible, too. My mind is racing with thought, but I don't know WHY or WHAT to do. (Although, I'm 99% sure there is nothing Luke can do to fix it.)
First of all, I'm thinking that there are only four months until Baby McKinney makes the big appearance. We haven't even started on the nursery. But, more importantly, I will be quitting my job and staying home full-time at that point, and I'm a little nervous about my mental health through these changes. Will it be challenging enough being an at-home mom after mothering a whole classroom of preschoolers for two and a half years? Will this big change prove similar to other changes I've experience by throwing me into a mental and spiritual tailspin until I grow used to the new situation?
I'm excited about the calling to raise a healthy, godly child, but what ELSE am I supposed to do at the same time? I just can't imagine that doing laundry and dishes will totally satisfy my need to serve.
And that reminds me, how can I continue a blog about special education (as well as keep my promise about NOT overwhelming this space with baby news) if I'm no longer teaching in special ed?
(sigh) I'm so far behind in posting about my life that even THAT typically-cathartic activity seems overwhelming. And, when this many thoughts jam up in my head, it usually means I haven't been handling myself wisely. My devotions are only so-so, my daily routine has become....just that. And I'm VERY ready for the next steps.
I just wish I knew what they looked like.
first off...i feel your pain I was suspended for 90 days at Walt Disney when i got in trouble last summer for getting carried away with my blog. i got reinstated after harry Potter came out :D I used this time to blog about my passion. MOVIES hobbies what not. I think you will be fine. I told you i have ADD, and i still blog about children and babies etc etc becausei love children. Dont let what God has called you to do to stop doing what you love. You will raise an amazing baby, and at the same time check into a website that specializes in special ed. gmail has turned into a newswire for me. I get up to the minute news on movies studios and my job and love Disney...So im with you Mrs. Mckinney God has not forgotten you and its ok to deal with feelings. im learning that in counseling...
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