Write-a-Letter Wednesday, Defining Femininity

Dear Ms. Reynolds,

I agree that gender wars get us nowhere, and that arguments about whether men or women are more powerful need to end. However, your ultimate definition of feminitity leaves something to be desired.

We must make a distinction between the "feminist" viewpoint used when studying women's issues in the arts and society and the more personal definition of "what it means to be female." But, since you mention "accepting" and "expressing" your own feminitity in the article, you seem to be dealing with the latter. This is why your generic definition, with its intentional gender-neutrality, concerns me.

You are correct in saying feminitiy has little to do with clothing and style. Not all women are great nurturers, and--in many cases--we cannot make generalizations about what a "real" woman says or does. But neither can you champion any ideal which sounds good to you and announce that it's feminism.

According to you, feminisim is any "mindset that venerates both the individual and the community." Then you say that anybody--man or woman--can join the feminist cause. But this only suffices if we disregard the root word "female" altogether. You simply chose a random attribute and claimed it for women everywhere. It would be similar for me to declare "Special Education Teacherhood" is "the act of being totally awesome." Come, one and all! Anyone can be a special education teacher, if you agree with being awesome!

Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

Definitions come from the person who starts a movement. The inventor--the creator--gets to patent and define the creation. And that is why I let God tell me what's feminine.

Feminity is:

1. No better or worse than the counterpart, masculinity (Gal. 3:28)
2. Marked by a gentle and quiet spirit, though this doesn't mean the woman must remain timid and quiet in personality. (I Pet. 3:4)
3. Hard-working (Prov. 31, 1 Tim. 5:10)
4. Self-controlled, dignified, and not over-bearing or aggressive (1 Tim. 2:12)
5. And, characterized by a certain shape and key mannerisms. There are elements of softness, flirtatiousness, and even sexiness to the female, but all in their proper places. AND, there are certain clothes and types of body language which are clearly female. (1 Cor. 11, and many others)

Sure, I'll jump on board with your goals for benefitting "both the individual and the community," but I won't call that femininity. It has nothing to do with what it means to be a lady. Instead, when you ask the Author of Womanhood for a definition, you don't have to fear specifics. When there is no political or social agenda on the line, you are free to explore womanhood much more honestly.

Respectfully,

A loud and proud woman with a soft and quiet spirit in Indiana