Child Worship

Do you want to baffle your nonChristian friends? Or, maybe you, dear reader, are not a Christian.... Prepare to be baffled.

Try saying: "Children should not be the most important thing in a parent's life."

Oh, there is "no love like a mother's love" for sure. And it's unbelievable how much I've fallen for my little pea-sized baby already. But I'll never say he/she is "my reason for breathing," and there always will be two things more precious to me: my relationship with God and my relationship with my husband.

I know. I'm a monster.

Luke and I were watching Tyra today. (I'll wait for you to stop snickering............) And, the topic of the show was "mama's boys." In true talkshow fashion, there was plenty of drama between fed-up girlfriends and the meddling mother's who won't let their sons grow up. The audience sneered and hissed when a mom told her 26-year-old son, "You can live with me as long as you want because you're my baby. I'll always cook for you and clean for you, and no one can care for you like your mama."

But, the part that raised my eyebrows was when Tyra stepped in and "explained" to one of the women why her relationship with the son was wrong:

"You mentioned that your son is your everything, and that's okay. You're right that your children should be the most important thing in the world. They should be your everything. But, not, like....everything, everything. He is supposed to grow up and be a man at some point. And you can still love him. He can be your number one priority without making him priority all the time..... Does that make sense?"

Oh, yes. Perfect sense. Enlightened perspective. Basically, women can worship their children. But not....worship, worship.... right?

See, everybody recognizes it's unhealthy for a mom to obsess over her 30-year-old child, but they can't articulate why. And this is because society says women are supposed to obsess over their babies--for awhile. It's perfectly acceptable for an otherwise proud, confident, talented woman (who'd die before saying, "I need a man to complete me.") to state willingly that she has no value apart from her offspring. In fact, this makes her a good mom.

But, when the nest empties, is it any wonder why she either latches on to her adult children or spirals into deep depression? Her job is over. There is no greater purpose left for her. She has peeked at 40 or 50.

This is why I say, adamantly, "Those kids never should have been your 'everything, everything' at all."

Luke told me today he's been having the same dream lately--in which something goes terribly wrong at the time of our baby's delivery. The situation is so dire, he has to choose between saving our child and saving my life. Do you know what he said to me?

"In my dream, I grab the doctor by the collar and scream, 'Make sure my wife lives.'"

It's a tough situation to imagine. I pray my husband never, ever, ever has to play out his dream in real life. But, with that kind of conviction, is there any doubt he loves me more than anyone else on earth? And what better way to love our children than to bring them into a home where Mommy and Daddy can model a stable, committed, LOVING relationship?

We worship God. And the next most important thing to both of us is the other. This isn't cruel. Instead, I pray our kids will learn how to cultivate a healthy relationship with their spouses by watching me and Luke.

The "mama's boy" situation is a case of misplaced affection. The family bonds have been distorted. The priorities are out of order. Children are the most selfish people on the planet--and pouring your best energy into them will leave you drained with no hope for a refilling. This is why God instructs the husband and wife to care for eachother's needs first, so there would be something left for the kids.

I'm fully prepared for my babies to take a lot out of me. If I thought God was teaching me selflessness before....I'm just bracing myself for the sleeplessness, the messes, the level of patience I'll need to be a 24-hour caregiver for once.

But I'm so thankful to have a God and husband who will love me even after my child-rearing days are over. As long as I worship the Creator, and not His gifts to me, I'll be shown His purpose for my life which extends even beyond my status as a mother.