The Meeting--an Addendum (and Other Assorted Updates on Life)

So, on Wednesday I told you I've been feeling pretty awful. Technically, I'm not sick. Pregnancy isn't a disease. But I AM cursed with "perfect attendance sickness," which makes any ailment much, much worse.

In two and a half years, I haven't called off from work--but that's not to say I've been well enough to work every day for two and a half years. Wait, I just remembered. I took off ONE DAY after a would-be field trip to Chicago was ruined by a blizzard and a nasty, firey crash with a semitruck, effectively totalling three university vehicles and incinerating my favorite wedge heels.
But again: one day off. A trip to the ER, prescription for Vicodin, and several assisted trips to the bathroom later (seatbelts save lives--not hips), I was back in the game.

So, you can't bring me down. And, true to form, I've been keeping all of my appointments this past week, too. I even went to church on Sunday, just to prove I'm SuperMom, unphased by a migraine, churning tummy, and muscle fatigue, and even though I sat in a rocking chair in the appropriately named "cry room" through most of the service.

But, I bring this up because I mentioned on Wednesday that--even though I'm not getting house work done, or finishing my writing assignment*, or updating my blog--at least I'd be able to back out of a meeting I didn't want to attend! Good plan. Didn't happen.


This actually was less of a meeting and more of a "focus group" conducted by the CEO of a company here in town. I was linked with this woman last summer, when I was completing my internship, and there were several things that became apparent right away:

1. This woman is hard-working and God-loving.


2. She knows her business, which is advising other CEOs about their human resources.


3. She is a very encouraging person, who appreciates my "writing strengths" because, in her words, she "is too scattered to write clearly."


4. She is very scattered--and she doesn't write clearly.

So, as an organized, clear thinker, it wasn't easy to spend lots of time in the office. AND, her highly emotional personality can be exhausting. (I'll post a link to my story about another meeting I had with her one more time, just in case you've missed it.) SO, now that you've read this account, you can understand why I planned to excuse myself from this "focus group." Even I can't understand why I didn't.

And, more baffling still is the fact that--as I was driving home after the meeting--I was glad I went!

First of all, my stomach really settled while I was there, and I was able to eat a scoop of mashed potatoes and two cookies from the bar! So I was feeling positive already! But also, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of things I was able to learn being smack in the middle of a group of 60+-year-olds answering the question, "What have we done with our lives?"...

Even the infamous CEO was especially clear-headed while she shared her perspective on the "final season of life." She told about her mother-in-law, who is 94 and still doing the exact same things she's always done. Since she doesn't get along with anybody, she retreats into her bedroom and numbs herself with CNN or another television program. Now, her movements are slower than they were and she is forced to accept help with some activities. But she does the same KINDS of things. She still defaults to the same, poisonous thought patterns. She still thinks her life would be better if she were totally alone. And, when she IS alone, she mutters bitterly to herself and waits for the hours to go by.

But, she described a different woman, too: "I know another lady whose various illnesses have left her immobile from the neck down. She must spend 20 hours a day or more lying flat on her back, hooked up to oxygen. But, do you know what she does with her time? She looks at the ceiling, where someone has written the names of her children to aid her failing memory, and she prays for them over and over until she falls back to sleep. What a legacy!"

I agree, the second woman is leaving a legacy. In fact, she's doing more with her time than the mother-in-law who still is able to walk around, talk, and change channels on the television.

Even though I've heard comparison stories like this before, I was convicted this time. For one thing, I've been sitting around--alone--watching a lot of TV this week. But, I;ve been a fan of vegging out and being lazy for many years, even before I was "supposed" to be selfish because of the baby. It doesn't take long for me to spiral into depression, after days and days of looking out for #1, and that's why I started this blog. I wanted to talk about the things that will make for a good, quality life. I wanted to discuss lasting purpose and leaving a legacy.

It really scared me to picture myself as a 90-year-old, still living life to suit myself. Still not taking my own advice and doing something worthwhile with my time. Still finding ways to indulge my laziness and numb the depression that results.

Luckily, there was a very easy suggestion for changing unwanted behaviors so that we can grow into accomplished and pleasant old people and not angry, wasted bodies. Change your thoughts. For instance, instead of thinking, "I wish my alarm wasn't going off right now," I could be thinking, "God bless my day." Instead of, "These kids are driving my crazy, " I could pray, "Thank you for this job." And, instead of, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! Lord, when can I feel better again?" I could ask, "Give me the strength to do just one thing that impacts somebody today." Or maybe: "Thank you for the chance to prove I'm your servant no matter what."

I'm selfish and lazy. Truly, I am. But I'm excited for the chance to exercise my beliefs and change my thoughts at this crucial time: when I don't necessarily feel like it.

Wow. Long post. I guess the level to which I feel better is directly related to the number of words I use...

Thanks for reading all the way to the end, you Trooper you. And, for a reward, you are invited to talk with me if you need anything (prayer, advice, or something more physical), because I'm totally serious about my desire to serve right now. Thinking about me is exhausting and depressing. Please give me something else to do...

Toodles!


*Look, my first ever footnote. I wanted to let you know I'm writing for Ken Davis now! Someone actually wants to buy my words! And, if you don't know who that is, just trust me that it's a nice break. If you Google his name, you'll see he gets at least 14 O's all to himself. Yeah!