"Nobuko Ito is the very model of a modern professional Japanese woman. She is a qualified lawyer and she speaks fluent English. She has years of experience working in international contract law. But Nobuko no longer works in a big international law firm. In fact she hardly does any lawyering at all these days. Instead she has three children. In Japan it is still one or the other. Doing both is extremely difficult."
The author arrives at her thesis sentence a little further into the article:
"Women who are having children are not working. Women who are working are not having children. Both are terrible for Japan's future..."
Really?
It's a terrible problem when women realize they can either have careers or care for their own children? In all honesty, I wish the choices were that obvious to women in the U.S. Right now, I'm afraid some of us are kidding ourselves... Er, no pun intended.
I don't know much about Japanese culture. But, where I live, women seem to believe they can "have it all." Working ladies are common, childcare is relatively easy to secure, and nobody thinks twice if a woman claims, "I'm a full time mommy with a full-time career!"
Wait, you're what? Doesn't that sound a lot like the old sport-commentator favorite, "He gives 110% effort, every time!" ? We all know what they mean... but, it's logically impossible.
You can't do both, all the time.
American women, you need to hear this. You've been spoiled with options that Japanese women don't have...but, in the end, we ALL have the same choice: take care of the children ourselves--or conclude it's better if someone else does it.
Think about it. Someone must care for the kids. (Teachers, other family members, nannies, etc.) If that regular caregiver is someone other than their mother, she doesn't cease to be "mom" in title. But she does not act the mother "full-time." Few women put it into words, but they are making the statement, "When I'm gone, [this person] does just as well as I do."
Are you replaceable?
I do not believe the fact that Americans have affirmative action and friends who support female careers and
We've become Supermoms!!!!
But the fact is, any time spent devoted to the children is time not invested in your career. Any time you are concentrating on being a good employee, someone else is mothering your babies...
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My friend posed several questions related to the issue of working women, and I've included them here:
-What about situations in which two incomes are required to survive?
-What about after the children are grown? Shouldn't the woman have the choice to re-enter the workforce?
-What about women who are better at "bringing home the bacon," and their husbands who are better at childcare? Why can't the wife go to work and the husband tend to the children?
These are valid points, which I would enjoy unpacking if I were sitting down with someone actually facing one of these situations. In real life, I've counseled many women--including my sister and sister-in-law--tossing around ideas about what it means to be a wife/mother and how we can best honor God with our lot.
However, in this context, I'm hesitant to dive too far into "hypotheticals." I'd hate to give the impression I've considered every possible scenario in which a woman could find herself. Frankly, it would take waaaaay too long to create a flowchart titled How Women Should Make Decisions About Work--and I'm not qualified to do it, anyway!
Instead, I would prefer listing a few facts which color the way I process the issues surrounding working women. These are places I believe we can find relative agreement, and which may serve as a springboard for pursuing the question, "How, then, do we live?"
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1. Men and women are different. They were created to fulfill different roles. Similarly, being a mother changes a woman...and it changes her in a different way than fatherhood changes a man. (This is a very beautifully-written anecdote about becoming a mom. It made me tear up...)
2. Regarding laws, I don't believe women should be prevented from getting jobs. (i.e. it should not be illegal) However, as a good Libertarian, I don't believe bosses should be required to hire them, either.
3. Following point #2, I don't see why women "shouldn't" try to re-enter the workforce after their children are grown. However, they will need to prove their value to the company, compared with a fresh-from-college applicant OR a person who has been gaining field experience for the last 15-20 years (rather than being out-of-commission). When deciding whether or not to stay home, women should recognize the very real possibility their competition will overtake them in the meantime.
4. I've no doubt there are cases where a mother *has to* work outside the home. But, I believe it's a faaaaaar more common occurrence for a woman merely to think it's unavoidable. In my experience, if you announce there is an "exception," a curious majority starts believing they're it.
5. If it's culturally acceptable for women to work, they will go to work...in droves. Unfortunately, the shift starts a ball rolling which is difficult to reverse, and it impacts a country's economy profoundly.
6. I don't want someone else raising my children. Unless they literally will starve without a second income, I can't see how it could be worthwhile to let another feed them, educate them...kiss their owies when they fall. When I say being a mom is important, I don't mean it's just a beautiful hobby--on level with hundreds of other worthwhile pursuits. (Answering phones and sending emails and filing...) I mean to say, I'm irreplaceable at home.
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(Addendum: Wow, I just found this post about a mom leaving her kid with a stranger in order to go to work. But, I draw your attention to the comments. Down a ways, "mary d." writes: "...it's a dirty secret -- we're supposed to WANT to stay home, and if we don't, we get judged. So we pretend we 'have' to work and then get judged for our lifestyles...I schlep my younger son to an expensive daycare so he's NOT in front of a tv/Wii all day... The teachers love him and frankly do a better job with him than I would if I were home with him all day." So, apparently, it's NOT hard for some women to admit, "I'm replaceable.")
Moms who don't want to mother. (*shakes head*) What next?
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