This clip from "MarriagetodayTV" was brought to my attention this afternoon. Many of you may not be bothered by the following four minutes of marital/financial advice. But, to those who recognize and despise how churches have begun catering to the selfish instincts of women, hold on to your lunch...
First, I'd like to draw attention to the very first few minutes of the video, when Mr. Evans shares an anecdote about a poor, divorced woman who had trouble getting "anything" from her ex-husband.
"[after the divorce] he gave her as little as he could. She had to take him to court to get everything that she got. Now she's over here, and he's over there still making...a significant income. And because their children are grown, she got very little out of the divorce settlement."
Um, is Mr. Evans really implying the man in this story should continue supporting his ex-wife, out of some type of obligation to God? I wonder, is the woman obligated to continue providing her ex-husband with a clean home and sex, or is this lesson in "duty" only for males?
The wife is described as a good wife and a good mother--so, naturally, her ex owes her.
Notice Mr. Evans tells us the couple "went through a divorce." It would make his case stronger if he stated "the wife was abandoned," but he doesn't. He definitely implies the husband is greedy and heartless, but he doesn't specify who left whom.
Perhaps because, statistically, it's likely the woman was the one who filed. In the U.S. 70% of all divorces are initiated by the wife. If she is college educated, the wife walks away 90% of the time.
Yet, Mr. Evans seems to believe men are financially responsible for their exes--even if she did the leaving--because, well, women want security. Give her what she thinks she deserves, men! It's the only manly thing to do!
I certainly hope I have it wrong here. A person with that kind of female-bias wouldn't be giving advice to Christians, right?
"The more secure women are, the more babies they have. The more secure they are, the more babies they want to have. But, the insecurity in America today is the character of men."
WHHHHHAAAAAAAAT?!?! No, really, he said it! Did you watch the video? It's at minute 1:20. Only a Church which has completely given itself to Women Worship can make a statement like that. Is it any wonder so few men want to go to church?
Think I'm over-reacting, ladies? Would you sit at the feet of a pastor who said, "The reason we have [this problem] is because women have bad characters" ?
Continuing...
"Women have had to fight for the right to vote. They've had to fight for the right to equal pay. They've had to fight for everything they've got, and that's wrong. We should have given it to them on a silver platter."
Well, from a man who believes women deserve money and property even after dissolving a marriage, this isn't entirely surprising. But it still makes me almost physically sick. First of all, he assumes that "women's suffrage" has led to inherently good things, and it's only a shame selfish men didn't get out of the way and allow feminism to take root sooner. I'm not convinced.
But, regardless of your own views, Mr. Evans uses political issues affecting all Americans to make some kind of point that individual men are mistreating their wives.
In fact, if men don't cater to women with silver platters, they are deadbeats.
No, seriously, what's with this silver platter talk? Even his live audience is a little hesitant to applaud Mr. Evans on this one. The imagery revealed his bias a little too clearly. Women are beautiful and precious. They are daughters of God. And men are...dropping the ball unless they learn to wait on the Princesses.
But, anyway, Mr. Evans finally gets to his main point: women need to feel secure.
"If you're going to have intimacy in your relationship with your wife, she has to know that she can trust you financially. She has to know that you're going to be a faithful provider and that you're going to be a faithful leader and that you will never ever, ever, ever, ever use any superiority you have over her financially against her to control her*, to threaten her, or one day to abandon her."
On the surface, I agree with this thesis. Women are designed to crave protection and leadership. And there can be no intimacy without trust.
But, ladies, here is something the butt-kissing, silver-platter-carrying Mr. Evans probably doesn't have the [male parts] to say: you are responsible to follow your husband's lead, whether you "feel" secure or not.
Oh, for sure, husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church--never leaving them or forsaking them, regardless of how bratty they become after years of Entitlement Princess Class (every Sunday!) Buuuuuut, there is a flip-side to that coin.
And I can't figure out why we rarely here about a woman's responsibility, considering 61% of congregations are female and two-thirds of us are doing the abandoning in our relationships. You promised to submit and to respect. There is no way for your husband to "lead" without "taking control," so stop whining about unfairness. Stop demanding he make you feel a certain way first.
At the end of the day, no man can make you feel anything--including security--and you are required to control your selfish, nagging tongue regardless. That means we are dead wrong when we say this:
"Honey, you just need to be a better leader...Oh, I will respect you when you earn it! If you were doing your job right, I would feel safe and happy--not controlled and insecure!"
It sounds disgusting on paper, doesn't it? That's sin for you. Unintentionally, Mr. Evans (and hundreds like him) have given women everywhere ammunition for our ugly sin natures. These words are the rantings of a Princess gone out of control--after far too many women's devotionals talking about how special she is, and very few hard-hitting sermons about where she's failing. It's much easier to keep delivering the same "Man-up" sermon, time after time.
Well, here I challenge my sisters to "woman up," and stop making excuses for the way you override your husband's authority. Stop demanding he make you feel a certain way. Stop demanding he lead--then cutting him off at the knees when he tries. ("You're controlling!") And, for Heaven's sake, can we stop supporting Churchian leaders like Mr. Evans when they put us on pedestals while pinning all relationship problems on our men?
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Here's another blogger's take on the "feminized church." I highly recommend this article!
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