If you blog long enough, you're bound to regret some of the older stuff eventually.
We grow. We change. And, at some point, we go back through the archives to discover something which gives us the urge to slap our younger selves...
Thus, with all my criticism of "the Church" and "the world" and "the media"--it's only fair I put myself under the microscope for a change. I draw your attention to the Post I Wouldn't Write Today. (Originally called, "Two Words You NEVER Say to Your Wife.")
First published almost three years ago (in June 2010), this story was meant to convey a personal victory I experienced: forgiving my husband when I felt like staying angry...
"The urge to hold a grudge was strong, and I allowed myself to brood for at least 30 minutes before I thought about...the fact that I was acting according to my feelings and not based on my beliefs. And you know what? I won! I prayed--okay, begged--that God would help me be a grown up and forgive Luke. And I decided I didn't want to be a slave to my emotions..."
I still consider this part of the story a good thing. In the past, I've been guilty of stewing and fuming for a long time, wallowing in self-pity. So, the events of that evening were a victory, of sorts.
But what did Luke DO, to warrant my wrath in the first place?
He had a phone conversation with a friend, the length of which I did not approve. Seriously, that was the spark that lit me on fire!
Sure, I used three paragraphs to explain the "whole story," but here's what it boils down to:
"Don't get me wrong. This person [on the phone] is a dear friend of both of ours, and I appreciate the wisdom and support he offers Luke. Their relationship is a blessing when they get a chance to talk at the appropriate times. However, Luke doesn't always choose that appropriate time... And that is why I was dismayed when he jumped up and took the call."
What an arrogant, self-righteous little thing I was!
"Appropriate time" according to whom?! Should a grown man consult his wife before taking a phone call? Yikes. But, the story continues.
"...twenty minutes into their conversation, I may have wandered into range of Luke's hearing and mumbled, 'This isn't how I pictured this morning.' What I didn't expect was for Luke to look up with his eyes narrowed at me and mouth the words 'Shut up' before returning to his conversation... OH, NO HE DIDN'T!"
So, there you have it. Luke told me to shut up, and it sent me into a crazed tail-spin of shock, anger, and excuses. I'm sure there are many, many women who would have been equally upset. But, here's the important part, which I need to redact today:
"Now, this is not a post about how a change of perspective showed me I was wrong. At least not totally. Maybe I shouldn't have mumbled my complaint--but..."
I'm ashamed of everything after the "but." And, what's right before, too! Maybe I shouldn't have complained? Maybe I shouldn't have disrespected the head of my household, with some immature, passive-aggressive hissy fit? MAYBE?
Even after I supposedly forgave my husband for his supposed sin, I told my readers he was "wrong, wrong, wrong!"
What I should have done was shut up.
----
In that old post, I said a change in perspective didn't show me I was wrong, but now it has. At the time, I was upset with Luke for not displaying leadership in the phone conversation. I wanted him to take charge, display authority, and tell his friend the conversation was over (rather than "act like a victim," which is the phrase I used.)
What I completely missed was that choosing to disregard my helpful suggestion (that is: my selfish demands) amounted to taking leadership over me.
I've been learning this lesson very sloooooowly over the last three years--but I pray it will help another wife understand much quicker. I pray she will examine how very backward her actions are, when she tries to nag her husband into leading like she wants.
Wives, we honor God by honoring our husbands, and we are to submit to them as unto the Lord. (Eph 5:22) Do you ask God questions? Yes, I do, too. Depending on the nature of the question, I think this is fine. But do you nag God about the "correct" way to do something? Do you roll your eyes at Him? Do you get sarcastic and mock His decisions?
Do you do this to your husband?
----
If the same scenario took place tonight--if I decided Luke should do things my way and allowed my tongue to wag unchecked--he would have every right to say, "You are out of line, woman." To me, this sounds more to-the-point and less an emotional outburst than "shut up." But, it's basically the same thing.
It's what I need to hear sometimes.
Now that both Luke and I better understand our roles in the household, I want to hear him point out when I'm wrong and lovingly (but firmly) demand respect. Oh, sure, I hate it at first. And I would much prefer to watch him demand respect of other people, like his friends on the phone--all while letting me and my attitude walk all over him, of course...
But, after a little reflection and prayer, I count myself lucky to have both a God and a husband who will hold me to a higher standard.
No comments:
Post a Comment