It's interesting enough... but what really caught my eye was the comments section. The author, Alte (Vanessa) sounds so much like me!
"I actually left the Church because of its anti-intellectual bent, which is what a lot of people do. I had hard issues and all I got in return was, 'Jesus loves you and stop asking so many questions.' It wasn't until I started really delving into the Magesterium that I realized those people were just clueless about the academic riches of the Church. The blind leading the blind, as it were."
No, I have not left the church. But, I've been ranting and raving about it's "anti-intellectual" bent for a good while now. The average service provides very little mental stimulation for me. (Unless I'm brainstorming with my sister about how to improve communion.) Time after time, I find answers to my questions on my own muuuuuch easier than I find them in the pew.
Part of me feels like a jerk for saying that, but it's true. Church provides plenty of pretty images and motivational speeches...but hardly the lectures I crave.
I resonate with commenter, Daisy:
"Many people from my past seem to have an irrational and anti-intellectual faith that appears to be a passionate love affair that never ceases. They are the dance in the pews, wave their hands in air, Christianize everything sort of people. There is precious little in life that can bring forth such outward emotional expression in me and it’s not a fiery love affair that I can sustain for long...certainly not for years or even decades like so many I know."
Alte responds:
"LOL. There were 'dance in the pews and speak in tongues' people at the Pentecostal church I attended for a while, but I was led there by the quieter, more introspective types. They tend to become invisible when everyone else is dancing around and shouting for the love of Jesus. As they are invisible everywhere else, for that matter.
I tend to fall in love mentally first, and the emotion builds over time to a sort of low smolder when I’m not paying attention. It flares up occasionally, and then it smolders again for a while. It’s the beauty and the coherence of traditional Christianity that convicted me, not all the emoting and speechifying."
And a little further down, she continues...
"While I admire the sort of childlike faith that some people have, I just don’t think I’m wired to it. I also don’t appear to be wired to the 'social justice' or 'do good deeds' brands of Christianity...or the potluck dinner and rosary circle crowd. I have so many questions and thoughts running through my head at all times; I’m insatiably curious and I need a faith with thought-provoking and heart-changing answers."
The honest testimonies of these women both encourage and convict me. First, I'm thrilled to know I'm not the only one who feels the way they do. Second, I appreciate the gentle way they reference those who relate with God differently. They speak kindly of those "passionate" and "emoting" types. Alte believes they simply represent "different brands" of Christianity.
I tend to get annoyed at the "immaturity" of those with child-like faith...
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Anyway, say what you will about the rightness/wrongness of a Feely Faith, I'm just going to go on record with my own preferences. Here's what my soul craves, in a place of worship:
-Please stop telling me how much God loves me. I'm starting to feel smothered--worshiping the Cosmic Helicopter Parent.
-Please don't talk about how amazingly, superbly awesome I am. Any goodness in me directly reflects God; none can boast. Besides, even Marilyn never had this much wind blown up her skirt.
-No more formulas. No more how-tos. No more "simplifying" [marriage, evangelism, prayer, etc.], with three easy steps! Intellectual Christianity isn't easy. We doubt, search, stay up late, and wrestle with truths daily. We argue with God, like rebellious teenagers--and, yet, even when we surrender (and grow!) we must go on to face the hardest part: being one of very few to understand the process...to share in the discovery.
-Finally, please stop telling me to invite people to church. Most of my friends would be unimpressed by the ceremonies--and I don't blame them. When I'm searching for God, I want an intense, one-on-one question/answer session, hold the fluff, please. If I have a friend who needs to be told God loves her, ad nauseum, I know where to go without being told.
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I'm just so very wary of the messages meant to lift the spirit and tickle the senses, while the brain goes largely untouched. The average service would almost feel grandiose and powerful, except...I want to laugh at the level of silliness. (If you don't know what I mean by "silly," watch the video "40 Motivational Speeches in 2 Minutes.". Lol, do you not see the comparison?)
I can't be the only one to feel this way, right?
Well, regardless, I have found many new blogs this year which have made me feel less alone. I'm devouring the words of people who benefit from my "brand" of Christianity. And I will continue learning from the ideas and experiences there...even if the organized church never stops feeling contrived and shallow.
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